Changing your perspective

Recently, there was a time where I had gotten to the point in which I would rarely read a newspaper, or watch the news.  It was just too depressing and my mind would run in a million different directions.   But then, strangely, I found myself to be un-informed, not being able to engage in many conversations regarding current events...and I was quickly becoming naive and somewhat isolated in my knowledge of the world's goings-ons.

I started turning the news on, checking online updates, and reading the paper at work.  The turmoil of the world continued but somehow my break from "media" reality had given me a different perspective.  The daily dose of dire news wasn't overwhelming....and what I found was, that amidst chaos there was surprisingly a lot of good going on in the world.  Destroyed towns being rebuilt after the latest natural disaster, communities banning together for a sick child, food banks popping up in economically challenged neighborhoods, life long sports dreams played out on the big stage...good stuff.

Maybe I was more pessimistic and fearful a few years back...when the news would put me in "pull the sheets over my head" mode and I would helicopter-mom my children, not ever letting them out of my sight.  Somehow, through all of the trials I have endured as of late, optimism has crept in and planted itself sturdy within me.  I can flip through a newspaper plagued with tragedy and find the good story, the uplifting moment that will propel me forward and continue to feed this newfound optimism.  Is an ongoing positive attitude truly about changing your perspective?

The definition of an optimistic person is to be hopeful and confident about the future; to be one who usually expects a favorable outcome.  Helen Keller, born blind and deaf, proclaimed "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.  Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

Changing your life's perspective can not just only improve your life, but the lives of those around you.  A spirit of hope and confidence can be contagious, and you'll be amazed at the effects that a changed attitude can have on others...and ultimately on you.

What if...?

Well...what else can follow "if only" but "what if"? This short but profound question honestly haunts me, and challenges my already over-thinking brain on a minute to minute basis. I look at myself, my children, my life, my career...I take a step back and really LOOK at the journey I am on. How have I gotten here...and where I am going?

What if I hadn't packed up a car and moved to Florida 15 years ago? What if I had allowed fear of flying to keep me from boarding a plane to Paris? What if I kept my heart hidden from the world?

"What if" plays on all our fears...plays on our anxieties...and ultimately plays on our guarded hearts. We have all made bad decisions...none of us are perfect. What if I woke up everyday and decided TODAY IS THE DAY? Leaving all the fears, the regrets, the hurts behind...

Memories and oh-so-real images run through our minds like freight trains in the night...rolling past sleeping cities on worn railroad tracks...leaving us tired to the point of defeat. What if we bundle all of the bad choices and regrets together, cast them away and press on?

What if we choose to leave everything out on the field everyday? Each day being a sudden death playoff game...do it now or don't do it all. What if we choose the rocky unknown path in instead of the easy way out? What if...?

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

If only...

I love having conversations with people. Those that know me well know me to be a talker (understatement), and somewhat of a wisdom seeker and a soul searcher. Mainly, I like knowing people's stories because we all have different ones...

I have found that, no sooner does a story start to get interesting, then out of regretful mouths emerge "If only I had..." or "if only I was"...or "if only I'd done..." I'll listen intensely at the mistakes or the bad choices someone has made to lead them to the point they are at, knowing full well there is NOTHING I can do, they can do, or anyone can do to undo the done.

The last several months I have been spending Fridays mentoring female inmates at a local faith & character based prison. The volunteer effort this institution has is phenomenal and the recidivism rate is drastically lower than other state institutions. It amazes me how few times I hear "if only I.." from any of the inmates. If anything, they have accepted responsibility for their choices that led them to their incarceration and are doing their very best to move forward, learn from their mistakes, and forgive themselves.

We all have "if only" stories. If only I had said that...if only I hadn't said that...if only I had trusted my instincts...if only I had trusted myself. We get so hung up on these "if only's" that we almost imprison ourselves and our abilities to progress and excel in life come to a halt.

I remember seeing a dear friend a few years back...he was walking with another business associate and I was 5 months pregnant in my maternity "sweats" dropping off some paper work on my day off. I was somewhat embarrassed of my appearance, so I drove around back to avoid an awkward hello (or as what I would have deemed awkward). I watched him enter the building and I breathed a sigh of relief..."he didn't see me!" A week later, he was killed in a boating accident. If only I hadn't cared so much about MY appearance and MY self...if only I had said hello not knowing it was truly going to be goodbye.

If only's should have no place in our lives. The "if only" results of the choices we made or didn't make have brought us to this exact spot in life. All we can do is actually take note, move forward, and forgive ourselves. Live regret free and learn from your "if only's".

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” - Mercedes Lackey

Forecast: Overcast & Gloomy

I wanted to be a meteorologist when I was growing up. I only felt this way for a brief time, as when the weather didn't pan out, everyone would turn their anger towards the weatherman. We'd put our 100% faith in his weather report...out would emerge rain chance percentages...or we'd see pictures of suns, or dark clouds with a single bolt of lightning. Now we can just click on an app and we see a radar that's undeniable. The weatherman has become more of newscast staple than the "go-to guy".

Life has no forecasts. Each day is a new adventure...somewhat. It truly is what we make it honestly. The cliche term..."yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, and today is a gift that's why we call it the present" comes to mind. I find it too easy to get caught up in worry, or yesterday's mistakes, or having fear of what has not even happened yet. We walk around this earth with so many dreams in our head, our hearts steel-guarded, and memories of mistakes and "should-haves" running through our minds.

Living in Florida, hurricane season comes every year. Our trusty "go-to guy" weatherman pleads with us yearly to stock up on canned goods, batteries, water, and flash lights. We watch the radars and satellite images in awe, the large swirl of storm clouds with an eye that almost stares back and we...well...we wait. What if we had a life radar where we could see life's storms coming and we could prepare for them as best as we could? Or we could see perfect sunny days without a spot of rain? Of course this is a preposterous idea, but the motive for me asking is if we have no clue what tomorrow holds, why not expect better instead of wait for worse? Practical thinking and realism will only get you so far in this world. We limit ourselves.

I walked outside my home this morning and at first, saw nothing but storm clouds and rain drops. With a sigh, I hurried the dogs back in and the feeling of gloom came over me like a tidal wave. But then I grabbed my laptop and came outside to my sheltered table, and felt the cooler air, watched native birds bask in the thirsty pond, and listened to a chorus of frogs and alligators (yes alligators) revel in the much needed rain.

Choosing to see past the overcast skies and gloomy rain allowed me to have a moment of inspiration and for just a few moments, I re-visited the dream of becoming a meteorologist...smiling and sharing the exciting news of weather to come with an oh-so-captivated audience. Seize each moment regardless of the apparent outward circumstance. Be determined and persevere.

Road Trip Freedom

There is something about road trips that just kind of ignites some inspiration up in me. I can only assimilate it to a grill with coals that have been sitting stagnant for weeks, waiting to be lit up with some fire and fuel to cook up a feast! My road trip philosophy has changed of course, since my children came into the world. Instead of packing my car with friends, coolers, and a jukebox of music...it is replaced with car seats, hand held video games and burned CD's filled with pre-school favorites. As I drove across the state of Florida yesterday, with two kids in back, busily trying to outscore each other on gameboys while munching on the variety of snacks I hurriedly packed, thoughts of my past lives (isn't that what they are...lives?) sporadically ran through my head.

As I peeked in my rear view mirror at my overly distracted children, THE family road trip from Providence, RI to Disneyworld immediately came to mind. With a stearn finger and a deep voice, my father stood over me and my two brothers, and one by one reminded us of the car "rules". I am not sure the exact verbatim but the ideas that spring to mind are #1 no fighting....#2 no fun....#3 no noise and my favorite #4 if you have to go to the bathroom, wait until we stop...never ask. Furthermore, I recall my clothes smelling worse than a smoky bar. Back in the 80's, science hadn't discovered that cigarette smoke and lung issues were correlated. The smoke from my dad's salem light 100's would trickle into the back seat and surround us like a cloud...we were all "crammed" into the back seat of the latest and greatest cadillac (no bucket seats or dvd players for us!) and we had word search books (gasp), walkmans with cassette tapes (huh?) and maybe a soda as NO FOOD was allowed in the car ever....maybe that was rule #5?

I always sat behind my mom on the window...my little brother got the middle seat and my other brother would be off in his own world behind my dad. I remember looking out the window and noticing the change in landscape from state to state, and listening to the same songs over and over again on my walkman, imagining and dreaming of adulthood...and freedom. Isn't that what we all want?

Freedom. Freedom from our schedules, our burdens, our obligations, our past mistakes. How free is our life now? I relish the free time I now have on an airplane ride. No phone, no wireless service...I have to get 35,000 feet above this place in order to have freedom to process all that is truly happening in my life. The blackberry dinging, the emails pouring in...the unrelenting computer screens. And don't forget to mention, the obligations that comes along with parenthood and relationships.

Now, when I look back at that time, me sitting behind my always obedient mother while peering out the smoky windows of a cadillac, silently crossing state borders on our way to the land where dreams come true (promises, promises Mickey!), I am realizing freedom lies within ourselves and within our ability to self discipline. Freedom means to me the ability to do what I want when I want without having to explain myself away to anyone. Freedom is putting what is important FIRST and all of the other distractions fall to the waist side. What is freedom to you?

Conquering Fear x 3

The word "fear" even sounds scary, yes? Many of us struggle with fears. Past hurts, ongoing stress, and modern day realities feed our fears incessantly. Take control and identify these fears. Grab life by its stormy reigns and rule the windy roads of uncertainty!

Fear #1 Not being good enough
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." -Marianne Williamson.
Have we adopted the "barely get by" mentality? We maintain a status quo, settle for less than the best and stay satisfied with mediocre. Ironically, all of us have IT in us; IT being magic, drive, potential, success, power, charisma and fearlessness. At the end of the day, we should never care what others think. According to Andy Andrews, if you fear criticism you'll never act or do anything of substance. Think about it.

Fear #2 Being rejected
"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."-Michael Pritchard. It's three am and the house is quiet and of course, very dark. The thoughts creep in...not having enough, not doing enough, not being enough, not working hard enough...fears. Fears steal from us. They are like a thief that we give the keys to and say "have at it". WE choose what we fear and WE choose what we conquer. Think about it.

Fear #3 Vulnerability
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."-Bertrand Russell. Ahhhh the fear of love. The fear of giving a part of yourself that you may never get back. Anyone who knows me knows I am a lover of life...a passionate crazy enthusiastic lover of life. I give 100% of myself to my amazing children and I will continue to give all of myself to the world because in the end...what matters? I can leave an imprint; I can leave a legacy; I can inspire but most importantly, I can live without fear. Think about it.

"Life itself is a privilege. To live life to its fullest is a choice." - The Traveler's Gift

Money and dreams

This morning, amidst the flurry of activity in my home (cheerios poured, lunches packed, teeth brushed. etc) the song "Bittersweet Symphony" streamed in the background..."'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. You are a slave to money then you die." Not really uplifting at all. But how true it is. Could this song be seen as a theme song to our lives?

How many decisions do we make on a daily basis that are directly related to our financial status? Where we live, where we work, what we eat, where we travel, what we wear, what we embark on and ultimately, what we compromise on. Lately, to me, life has become one big compromise. What was important and dream-driven has now been put on the back burner in exchange for long work hours, microwave dinners, getting those darn bills paid, and basically, flipping calendar pages in a survivalist mentality.

How did we get here? Where the almighty dollar takes precedence over family time...in which a strangers perception of us is more important than how our children view us. Where dreams have a price tag and our time is worth less and less and less. Gratitude and selflessness has been replaced with greed and selfishness. Our cups are being filled with temporary "boosts"...and the cycle continues. We are so wrapped up in clinging to the dollars in our worn pockets that it has led us to relinquish the things we believe in.

Remember, we got one life...one go around to make it happen. How can we change our mind's thinking to avoid being slaves to money and becoming victorious in our dream fulfillment? The answer is balance. And to achieve this balance, we quit selling our time for next to nothing and start charting our dreams. Making your dreams real to you and others will only instill a deep motivation to propel yourself forward, to a place where what you truly believe in is how you live.