Mirror Reflections

Mirrors are a fascinating thing. They accurately reflect an image to a tee. Well almost. A mirror is a backwards reflection. Words and pictures are reflected backwards. So if words and images are backwards, isn't the reflection of our face as well? I can see my reflection in the screen as I type this...and I appear at peace. But what do others see? Do they see an intellectual typing away while sipping her Starbucks? Do they see a mother? Do they see the writer in me?

The reflective aspect of a mirror actually came to me when I was brushing my daughter's hair this morning. She has this amazing long beautiful blonde hair that I used to pray for when I was growing up. I guess God answered the prayer with my daughter, huh? Anyway, she stares at her reflection in the mirror, and as I brush out the knots and curls and fly aways I see her expression change and improve with each brush stroke. "Mommy, aren't I the most beautiful little girl?" Ahhhh...un-fractured self image. I nod in agreement to her question, blinking away tears, and silently fearing the life hurts that lie ahead for my girl's heart.

Why is it when I look in the mirror, hastily brushing my chemically treated blonde wisps of hair, I see the flaws? The fragmented version of my former self? Why don't I see the very best IN me and, instead only pick apart the very worst? How backwards is that!

As we age, we not only feel older in our souls, our bodies and our spirits...we LOOK older. And the reflection staring back at me is a true testament to that. Soft lines frame my brown eyes...a deep wrinkle is forged between my eyebrows...and I see them as flaws. So I rush to the cosmetic store, scramble to make dermatologist appointments, book another "hair day"!! Fight fight fight fight, right?

Nope. I am going to surrender this fight. Am I going to let myself go? Forgo vanity for charity? Well lets not get crazy here...but the importance of reflection is not what is ON the surface...it is what is BELOW the surface. The reflective heart is far more complicated but far more important than our outward self. Without searching our hearts and reflecting upon ourselves, we will constantly feed the outward image with quick fixes and short term remedies.

I keep going back to my daughter's commentary on her image...her raw honesty...her outward and inner reflection in the same mirror I look at. A jealousy looms within me for that cohesion of inner and outer peace.

Honestly, I don't think what I feel is much different than many feel in this day and age. Constant pressure to appear "whole and happy", a life reliant on Starbucks lattes, squeezing in 30 minute cardio, pouring over the newest self-help books, rifled-through stacks of fashion and health magazines...failed attempts to uncover what lies within ALL of us....life knowledge, unfulfilled dreams, lingering passions, and self love.

Next time you peek at that mirror, whether it be a wall to wall vanity mirror, a computer monitor, or your rearview mirror...try and see the wisdom of the fine lines, the laughter in the wrinkled forehead, and the tears of joy cried from the eyes staring back at you.

Legacy

Today is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11...a day forever etched in our American minds. I know exactly where I was...and how I felt.

As I tearfully scroll through dramatic pictures, the raw emotions and the helpless feeling I had that day immediately return.

Millions of Americans woke up that day like any other day, rushing off to work or school or to catch a plane...and thousands were killed, many giving their lives to save others. Heroes. A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer. Ralph Waldo Emerson

What made one man decide to let others go down the stairwell before him? What kind of man, knowing his fate, fought suicidal hijackers and took control of a doomed plane?

Legacy is defined as something handed down from one person or generation to another; a gift. The legacy of the people that stood in harm's way to save others lives on today. Thousands of lives saved, hundreds of fatherless babies born, tons of unanswered questions and the rebirth of patriotism amidst true American tragedy is the legacy of 9/11/01.

Today, take just a moment, not just to honor those who gave their lives a decade ago, but to honor our American troops, the families left behind, and the legacy that lives on today.

Did you know that the fires at Ground Zero burned for 99 days? Over 3000 children lost a parent? That even though 10 years have passed, we can just look at one picture and we are there again...watching history unfold, lives forever changed, hearts shattered, and a country deeply wounded.

Psalm 46:10
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

God bless America!

Integrity

In today's society, integrity is severely lacking. Period. Relationships of convenience come and go; people propel forward with little consideration of the ones they are stepping over in their path. Hurting souls cry out for help and we walk on by, figuring they deserve to be where they are and deserve to remain there.

Wikipedia reveals integrity is a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can be regarded as the opposite of hypocrisy, in that it regards internal consistency as a virtue. As such, one may judge that others "have integrity" to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold. (from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integrity)

Have there been times in your life where maybe things weren't going your way? Down on your luck? Made you made some mistakes that left you with a sense of condemnation or shame? What turned it around for you...was it a person of integrity that remained there with you without judgement, maybe was inconvenienced by you, went against the grain to defend your honor but still remained "in the fire" with you until things settled and corners were turned?

Or maybe there was a time you could have taken the easy way out; bowing to the current instead of swimming up stream; making a tough judgement call even though many said "you didn't have to do that"; looking out for YOUR best interests instead of the interests of others?

In this day and age of overwhelming media connectivity, we are quick to discard people, passions, and honesty for self-gain. Life isn't a snap shot...it is a large canvas painted with all of the trials and victories we've endured. Living with integrity shouldn't be a moment to moment decision but a way of life. Doing the right thing isn't easy but at the end of the day, when the house is quiet, and the sky is dark, your head can lie on a pillow without regret or the sense that you could have done a little better with your day.

Integrity is something people see in you, your words and and your actions. Are you a person of integrity?

Maybe, the most inspirational video ever . . .

It is never too late

"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing" - Albert Einstein

I turned 37 in February. It was a bit of a shock to me. 37. I remember skydiving at 25...jumping out of that plane...embracing what the next 25 years would bring, soaring fourteen thousand feet above sea level. And now, a "fortnight" of years later, I am fully engaged in the American rat race, running after a four year old son and enduring a sassy seven year old daughter (in which my mom never fails to remind me the apple doesn't fall far from the tree).

37. I remember thinking at 25 that by 37, I'd have my masters degree under my belt, and be steadily working towards my PhD. I'd casually work part time consulting, simultaneously preparing my award winning thesis, enjoying my late thirties, amidst shuffling 2 or 3 perfectly behaved children between dance, soccer and play dates. Oh the life!

Well, I'll spare you the details of what 37 has actually become, but I will share this. I don't have my masters, and the only PhD I could possible work towards is one in the art of bribery of young children to just behave for five flipping minutes and eat what's on their plates!!

The point of this reflective moment? Well, honestly, I have been inspired. My drive, my spirit and my "inner fuel" has been ignited! Pshaw on you 37! Average life expectancy of an American woman...80.2 years(new results from the cdc website published 5/2011). It is never to late to live the life you desire for yourself.

Where you are at this very moment is a summation of ALL the choices you have made throughout your entire life. Whether they were great choices or bad choices, you made them and you are living them out. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." - Anonymous

Maybe a masters degree was more of my parent's dream then my own...and who needs an award winning thesis anyway? But regardless of where you are, or where you've been, or where you THINK you are going to end up, it is never to late to live out a dream that has, for whatever reason, remained dormant within you. "When our actions do not, our fears make us traitors." - William Shakespeare (Macbeth)

Changing your perspective

Recently, there was a time where I had gotten to the point in which I would rarely read a newspaper, or watch the news.  It was just too depressing and my mind would run in a million different directions.   But then, strangely, I found myself to be un-informed, not being able to engage in many conversations regarding current events...and I was quickly becoming naive and somewhat isolated in my knowledge of the world's goings-ons.

I started turning the news on, checking online updates, and reading the paper at work.  The turmoil of the world continued but somehow my break from "media" reality had given me a different perspective.  The daily dose of dire news wasn't overwhelming....and what I found was, that amidst chaos there was surprisingly a lot of good going on in the world.  Destroyed towns being rebuilt after the latest natural disaster, communities banning together for a sick child, food banks popping up in economically challenged neighborhoods, life long sports dreams played out on the big stage...good stuff.

Maybe I was more pessimistic and fearful a few years back...when the news would put me in "pull the sheets over my head" mode and I would helicopter-mom my children, not ever letting them out of my sight.  Somehow, through all of the trials I have endured as of late, optimism has crept in and planted itself sturdy within me.  I can flip through a newspaper plagued with tragedy and find the good story, the uplifting moment that will propel me forward and continue to feed this newfound optimism.  Is an ongoing positive attitude truly about changing your perspective?

The definition of an optimistic person is to be hopeful and confident about the future; to be one who usually expects a favorable outcome.  Helen Keller, born blind and deaf, proclaimed "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.  Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

Changing your life's perspective can not just only improve your life, but the lives of those around you.  A spirit of hope and confidence can be contagious, and you'll be amazed at the effects that a changed attitude can have on others...and ultimately on you.

What if...?

Well...what else can follow "if only" but "what if"? This short but profound question honestly haunts me, and challenges my already over-thinking brain on a minute to minute basis. I look at myself, my children, my life, my career...I take a step back and really LOOK at the journey I am on. How have I gotten here...and where I am going?

What if I hadn't packed up a car and moved to Florida 15 years ago? What if I had allowed fear of flying to keep me from boarding a plane to Paris? What if I kept my heart hidden from the world?

"What if" plays on all our fears...plays on our anxieties...and ultimately plays on our guarded hearts. We have all made bad decisions...none of us are perfect. What if I woke up everyday and decided TODAY IS THE DAY? Leaving all the fears, the regrets, the hurts behind...

Memories and oh-so-real images run through our minds like freight trains in the night...rolling past sleeping cities on worn railroad tracks...leaving us tired to the point of defeat. What if we bundle all of the bad choices and regrets together, cast them away and press on?

What if we choose to leave everything out on the field everyday? Each day being a sudden death playoff game...do it now or don't do it all. What if we choose the rocky unknown path in instead of the easy way out? What if...?

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

If only...

I love having conversations with people. Those that know me well know me to be a talker (understatement), and somewhat of a wisdom seeker and a soul searcher. Mainly, I like knowing people's stories because we all have different ones...

I have found that, no sooner does a story start to get interesting, then out of regretful mouths emerge "If only I had..." or "if only I was"...or "if only I'd done..." I'll listen intensely at the mistakes or the bad choices someone has made to lead them to the point they are at, knowing full well there is NOTHING I can do, they can do, or anyone can do to undo the done.

The last several months I have been spending Fridays mentoring female inmates at a local faith & character based prison. The volunteer effort this institution has is phenomenal and the recidivism rate is drastically lower than other state institutions. It amazes me how few times I hear "if only I.." from any of the inmates. If anything, they have accepted responsibility for their choices that led them to their incarceration and are doing their very best to move forward, learn from their mistakes, and forgive themselves.

We all have "if only" stories. If only I had said that...if only I hadn't said that...if only I had trusted my instincts...if only I had trusted myself. We get so hung up on these "if only's" that we almost imprison ourselves and our abilities to progress and excel in life come to a halt.

I remember seeing a dear friend a few years back...he was walking with another business associate and I was 5 months pregnant in my maternity "sweats" dropping off some paper work on my day off. I was somewhat embarrassed of my appearance, so I drove around back to avoid an awkward hello (or as what I would have deemed awkward). I watched him enter the building and I breathed a sigh of relief..."he didn't see me!" A week later, he was killed in a boating accident. If only I hadn't cared so much about MY appearance and MY self...if only I had said hello not knowing it was truly going to be goodbye.

If only's should have no place in our lives. The "if only" results of the choices we made or didn't make have brought us to this exact spot in life. All we can do is actually take note, move forward, and forgive ourselves. Live regret free and learn from your "if only's".

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” - Mercedes Lackey

Forecast: Overcast & Gloomy

I wanted to be a meteorologist when I was growing up. I only felt this way for a brief time, as when the weather didn't pan out, everyone would turn their anger towards the weatherman. We'd put our 100% faith in his weather report...out would emerge rain chance percentages...or we'd see pictures of suns, or dark clouds with a single bolt of lightning. Now we can just click on an app and we see a radar that's undeniable. The weatherman has become more of newscast staple than the "go-to guy".

Life has no forecasts. Each day is a new adventure...somewhat. It truly is what we make it honestly. The cliche term..."yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, and today is a gift that's why we call it the present" comes to mind. I find it too easy to get caught up in worry, or yesterday's mistakes, or having fear of what has not even happened yet. We walk around this earth with so many dreams in our head, our hearts steel-guarded, and memories of mistakes and "should-haves" running through our minds.

Living in Florida, hurricane season comes every year. Our trusty "go-to guy" weatherman pleads with us yearly to stock up on canned goods, batteries, water, and flash lights. We watch the radars and satellite images in awe, the large swirl of storm clouds with an eye that almost stares back and we...well...we wait. What if we had a life radar where we could see life's storms coming and we could prepare for them as best as we could? Or we could see perfect sunny days without a spot of rain? Of course this is a preposterous idea, but the motive for me asking is if we have no clue what tomorrow holds, why not expect better instead of wait for worse? Practical thinking and realism will only get you so far in this world. We limit ourselves.

I walked outside my home this morning and at first, saw nothing but storm clouds and rain drops. With a sigh, I hurried the dogs back in and the feeling of gloom came over me like a tidal wave. But then I grabbed my laptop and came outside to my sheltered table, and felt the cooler air, watched native birds bask in the thirsty pond, and listened to a chorus of frogs and alligators (yes alligators) revel in the much needed rain.

Choosing to see past the overcast skies and gloomy rain allowed me to have a moment of inspiration and for just a few moments, I re-visited the dream of becoming a meteorologist...smiling and sharing the exciting news of weather to come with an oh-so-captivated audience. Seize each moment regardless of the apparent outward circumstance. Be determined and persevere.

Road Trip Freedom

There is something about road trips that just kind of ignites some inspiration up in me. I can only assimilate it to a grill with coals that have been sitting stagnant for weeks, waiting to be lit up with some fire and fuel to cook up a feast! My road trip philosophy has changed of course, since my children came into the world. Instead of packing my car with friends, coolers, and a jukebox of music...it is replaced with car seats, hand held video games and burned CD's filled with pre-school favorites. As I drove across the state of Florida yesterday, with two kids in back, busily trying to outscore each other on gameboys while munching on the variety of snacks I hurriedly packed, thoughts of my past lives (isn't that what they are...lives?) sporadically ran through my head.

As I peeked in my rear view mirror at my overly distracted children, THE family road trip from Providence, RI to Disneyworld immediately came to mind. With a stearn finger and a deep voice, my father stood over me and my two brothers, and one by one reminded us of the car "rules". I am not sure the exact verbatim but the ideas that spring to mind are #1 no fighting....#2 no fun....#3 no noise and my favorite #4 if you have to go to the bathroom, wait until we stop...never ask. Furthermore, I recall my clothes smelling worse than a smoky bar. Back in the 80's, science hadn't discovered that cigarette smoke and lung issues were correlated. The smoke from my dad's salem light 100's would trickle into the back seat and surround us like a cloud...we were all "crammed" into the back seat of the latest and greatest cadillac (no bucket seats or dvd players for us!) and we had word search books (gasp), walkmans with cassette tapes (huh?) and maybe a soda as NO FOOD was allowed in the car ever....maybe that was rule #5?

I always sat behind my mom on the window...my little brother got the middle seat and my other brother would be off in his own world behind my dad. I remember looking out the window and noticing the change in landscape from state to state, and listening to the same songs over and over again on my walkman, imagining and dreaming of adulthood...and freedom. Isn't that what we all want?

Freedom. Freedom from our schedules, our burdens, our obligations, our past mistakes. How free is our life now? I relish the free time I now have on an airplane ride. No phone, no wireless service...I have to get 35,000 feet above this place in order to have freedom to process all that is truly happening in my life. The blackberry dinging, the emails pouring in...the unrelenting computer screens. And don't forget to mention, the obligations that comes along with parenthood and relationships.

Now, when I look back at that time, me sitting behind my always obedient mother while peering out the smoky windows of a cadillac, silently crossing state borders on our way to the land where dreams come true (promises, promises Mickey!), I am realizing freedom lies within ourselves and within our ability to self discipline. Freedom means to me the ability to do what I want when I want without having to explain myself away to anyone. Freedom is putting what is important FIRST and all of the other distractions fall to the waist side. What is freedom to you?

Conquering Fear x 3

The word "fear" even sounds scary, yes? Many of us struggle with fears. Past hurts, ongoing stress, and modern day realities feed our fears incessantly. Take control and identify these fears. Grab life by its stormy reigns and rule the windy roads of uncertainty!

Fear #1 Not being good enough
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us." -Marianne Williamson.
Have we adopted the "barely get by" mentality? We maintain a status quo, settle for less than the best and stay satisfied with mediocre. Ironically, all of us have IT in us; IT being magic, drive, potential, success, power, charisma and fearlessness. At the end of the day, we should never care what others think. According to Andy Andrews, if you fear criticism you'll never act or do anything of substance. Think about it.

Fear #2 Being rejected
"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."-Michael Pritchard. It's three am and the house is quiet and of course, very dark. The thoughts creep in...not having enough, not doing enough, not being enough, not working hard enough...fears. Fears steal from us. They are like a thief that we give the keys to and say "have at it". WE choose what we fear and WE choose what we conquer. Think about it.

Fear #3 Vulnerability
"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."-Bertrand Russell. Ahhhh the fear of love. The fear of giving a part of yourself that you may never get back. Anyone who knows me knows I am a lover of life...a passionate crazy enthusiastic lover of life. I give 100% of myself to my amazing children and I will continue to give all of myself to the world because in the end...what matters? I can leave an imprint; I can leave a legacy; I can inspire but most importantly, I can live without fear. Think about it.

"Life itself is a privilege. To live life to its fullest is a choice." - The Traveler's Gift

Money and dreams

This morning, amidst the flurry of activity in my home (cheerios poured, lunches packed, teeth brushed. etc) the song "Bittersweet Symphony" streamed in the background..."'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life. You are a slave to money then you die." Not really uplifting at all. But how true it is. Could this song be seen as a theme song to our lives?

How many decisions do we make on a daily basis that are directly related to our financial status? Where we live, where we work, what we eat, where we travel, what we wear, what we embark on and ultimately, what we compromise on. Lately, to me, life has become one big compromise. What was important and dream-driven has now been put on the back burner in exchange for long work hours, microwave dinners, getting those darn bills paid, and basically, flipping calendar pages in a survivalist mentality.

How did we get here? Where the almighty dollar takes precedence over family time...in which a strangers perception of us is more important than how our children view us. Where dreams have a price tag and our time is worth less and less and less. Gratitude and selflessness has been replaced with greed and selfishness. Our cups are being filled with temporary "boosts"...and the cycle continues. We are so wrapped up in clinging to the dollars in our worn pockets that it has led us to relinquish the things we believe in.

Remember, we got one life...one go around to make it happen. How can we change our mind's thinking to avoid being slaves to money and becoming victorious in our dream fulfillment? The answer is balance. And to achieve this balance, we quit selling our time for next to nothing and start charting our dreams. Making your dreams real to you and others will only instill a deep motivation to propel yourself forward, to a place where what you truly believe in is how you live.

The Exclamation Point vs. The Period

You know what's great about face to face conversation between people? Great stuff emerges. Ideas...stories...jokes...changing tones of voice that can be construed as either sarcasm or satire.

But in writing, whether it be letters...emails or texts...how do we convey these "tones"? With a smiley face :) or a wink ;) or even...yes...the exclamation point!

View the difference below:
I had a great day.

I had a great day! (Yeah-that's passion for you!)

Our country was founded on passionate conversations laden with exclamatory statements; as our freedom-desiring forefathers with blood pumping fiercely through their veins fought for a life some of us take for granted!

My point? (There always is one of course.) Don't fear the "exclamation points" of life...fear the period. The period that ends a sentence describing a life under-lived, non-productive, passion-lacking...empty.

You know what's great about face to face conversation between people? Great stuff emerges!

Mad World

When I was growing up in New England, I was part of the rat race before truly knowing what it was. I mean I was 12 years old with a paper route, a part time babysitting gig, pet sitting neighbors' cats, and an occasional run at a lemonade stand.

And this was all before Blackberrys and iPhones and Facebook and all of the other craziness that we have voluntarily engaged in!  In looking back, what was the point of multiple jobs at 12 years old? We didn't have the Wii or Netflix or on demand anything.  We had the outside, and we had friends in person not via text, Skype or My Space!

How do we shift our focus back to people? Back to what truly motivates us...our families, our children, our dear friends that we are always "too busy" texting, surfing, or status updating to spend time with them.  Challenging ourselves to be in person...engaging fully without having our attention turned to words on a screen.

Goals that we have set for ourselves and for our future have to have a foundation...a meaning near and dear to us.  Or we lose momentum.  The goals become fuzzy and we lose our focus.  Another dream or idea dies in the midst of our modern day chaos.

I have learned two hard facts about myself recently...I can't fully disconnect from the electronic world without a small sense of panic.  And secondly, even though through Facebook and texting and messenger, I am constantly "connected" to family, friends, co-workers, old high school friends...the person to person connection has drastically dwindled.  It's almost like we don't know how to act around each other anymore without a phone or a PDA or laptop.

This is truly just scratching the surface of the social crisis we are in. People have stopped mattering to people.  We scan news articles about tragedy while listening to the latest hip hop song on our iPod.  We text while in the drop off line while our kids play their video games. We'll ponder over our next Facebook post but not about how we can help those in need. We become more and more de-sensitized to what truly matters the most...the human heart.

In the next several weeks, I am going to challenge myself (and hopefully you!) to disconnect to re-connect.  Even if it's an hour at night...or in the morning or whenever.  To me, there is nothing worse than our hearts, that are all filled with promise and potential, to be stifled and smothered by a seemingly connected world that has no depth, passion, or true reward.

(for an awesome song reference...google Gary Jules "Mad World"; you tube video to be posted)

It only takes one...

Several weeks ago, I was in the midst of discussions with my regional boss. We were of course bantering back and forth about numbers and the region's different stores and the mix of people in those stores. Being in sales, we are all competing for the same magic thing...customer's loyalty.

Attitudes of different sales consultants were of course addressed (the "poor me" syndrome is infamous amongst commissioned sales) and he said something very interesting to me. He said, "Tiffany, it only takes one. It only takes one person in a store to change the feel of a workplace, it only takes one good customer to turn your month around, it only takes one good experience to revive hope within the desperate individual."

Wow...amongst numbers, and customer issues, long winded sales pitches, computer crashes...the true insides of sales emerges...people.

In the media frenzied world, where loyalty is rare and where true service is at a price, we have an opportunity to be that one person...that one thing that turns around a situation.

Yesterday, I taught this same philosophy to someone who is feeling very overwhelmed in her situation. She covered her heart with her hand and said, "What can I do? What can one person do to change what is around us?" I told her very clearly, "Find one good thing in every person and every situation and magnify it ten-fold. That goodness will fuel you to continue to see more and more good."

This blog isn't a "feel good, everything is warm and fuzzy, rosie sunglasses"...this is truly about how one by one we can change the world. Tweaking our attitudes, seeing the very best in every situation, tackling problems with clarity and optimism, and staying fired up for life-this is what I want to teach through this blog. A passionate exciting life is reachable for all of us! We linger in dead space sometimes...the should haves, the would haves, the can't haves. Regroup...and renew your mind. Today is now. Rejoin life with an excitement and tap into that inner fuel!