Changing your perspective

Recently, there was a time where I had gotten to the point in which I would rarely read a newspaper, or watch the news.  It was just too depressing and my mind would run in a million different directions.   But then, strangely, I found myself to be un-informed, not being able to engage in many conversations regarding current events...and I was quickly becoming naive and somewhat isolated in my knowledge of the world's goings-ons.

I started turning the news on, checking online updates, and reading the paper at work.  The turmoil of the world continued but somehow my break from "media" reality had given me a different perspective.  The daily dose of dire news wasn't overwhelming....and what I found was, that amidst chaos there was surprisingly a lot of good going on in the world.  Destroyed towns being rebuilt after the latest natural disaster, communities banning together for a sick child, food banks popping up in economically challenged neighborhoods, life long sports dreams played out on the big stage...good stuff.

Maybe I was more pessimistic and fearful a few years back...when the news would put me in "pull the sheets over my head" mode and I would helicopter-mom my children, not ever letting them out of my sight.  Somehow, through all of the trials I have endured as of late, optimism has crept in and planted itself sturdy within me.  I can flip through a newspaper plagued with tragedy and find the good story, the uplifting moment that will propel me forward and continue to feed this newfound optimism.  Is an ongoing positive attitude truly about changing your perspective?

The definition of an optimistic person is to be hopeful and confident about the future; to be one who usually expects a favorable outcome.  Helen Keller, born blind and deaf, proclaimed "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.  Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

Changing your life's perspective can not just only improve your life, but the lives of those around you.  A spirit of hope and confidence can be contagious, and you'll be amazed at the effects that a changed attitude can have on others...and ultimately on you.

What if...?

Well...what else can follow "if only" but "what if"? This short but profound question honestly haunts me, and challenges my already over-thinking brain on a minute to minute basis. I look at myself, my children, my life, my career...I take a step back and really LOOK at the journey I am on. How have I gotten here...and where I am going?

What if I hadn't packed up a car and moved to Florida 15 years ago? What if I had allowed fear of flying to keep me from boarding a plane to Paris? What if I kept my heart hidden from the world?

"What if" plays on all our fears...plays on our anxieties...and ultimately plays on our guarded hearts. We have all made bad decisions...none of us are perfect. What if I woke up everyday and decided TODAY IS THE DAY? Leaving all the fears, the regrets, the hurts behind...

Memories and oh-so-real images run through our minds like freight trains in the night...rolling past sleeping cities on worn railroad tracks...leaving us tired to the point of defeat. What if we bundle all of the bad choices and regrets together, cast them away and press on?

What if we choose to leave everything out on the field everyday? Each day being a sudden death playoff game...do it now or don't do it all. What if we choose the rocky unknown path in instead of the easy way out? What if...?

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

If only...

I love having conversations with people. Those that know me well know me to be a talker (understatement), and somewhat of a wisdom seeker and a soul searcher. Mainly, I like knowing people's stories because we all have different ones...

I have found that, no sooner does a story start to get interesting, then out of regretful mouths emerge "If only I had..." or "if only I was"...or "if only I'd done..." I'll listen intensely at the mistakes or the bad choices someone has made to lead them to the point they are at, knowing full well there is NOTHING I can do, they can do, or anyone can do to undo the done.

The last several months I have been spending Fridays mentoring female inmates at a local faith & character based prison. The volunteer effort this institution has is phenomenal and the recidivism rate is drastically lower than other state institutions. It amazes me how few times I hear "if only I.." from any of the inmates. If anything, they have accepted responsibility for their choices that led them to their incarceration and are doing their very best to move forward, learn from their mistakes, and forgive themselves.

We all have "if only" stories. If only I had said that...if only I hadn't said that...if only I had trusted my instincts...if only I had trusted myself. We get so hung up on these "if only's" that we almost imprison ourselves and our abilities to progress and excel in life come to a halt.

I remember seeing a dear friend a few years back...he was walking with another business associate and I was 5 months pregnant in my maternity "sweats" dropping off some paper work on my day off. I was somewhat embarrassed of my appearance, so I drove around back to avoid an awkward hello (or as what I would have deemed awkward). I watched him enter the building and I breathed a sigh of relief..."he didn't see me!" A week later, he was killed in a boating accident. If only I hadn't cared so much about MY appearance and MY self...if only I had said hello not knowing it was truly going to be goodbye.

If only's should have no place in our lives. The "if only" results of the choices we made or didn't make have brought us to this exact spot in life. All we can do is actually take note, move forward, and forgive ourselves. Live regret free and learn from your "if only's".

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” - Mercedes Lackey