If only...

I love having conversations with people. Those that know me well know me to be a talker (understatement), and somewhat of a wisdom seeker and a soul searcher. Mainly, I like knowing people's stories because we all have different ones...

I have found that, no sooner does a story start to get interesting, then out of regretful mouths emerge "If only I had..." or "if only I was"...or "if only I'd done..." I'll listen intensely at the mistakes or the bad choices someone has made to lead them to the point they are at, knowing full well there is NOTHING I can do, they can do, or anyone can do to undo the done.

The last several months I have been spending Fridays mentoring female inmates at a local faith & character based prison. The volunteer effort this institution has is phenomenal and the recidivism rate is drastically lower than other state institutions. It amazes me how few times I hear "if only I.." from any of the inmates. If anything, they have accepted responsibility for their choices that led them to their incarceration and are doing their very best to move forward, learn from their mistakes, and forgive themselves.

We all have "if only" stories. If only I had said that...if only I hadn't said that...if only I had trusted my instincts...if only I had trusted myself. We get so hung up on these "if only's" that we almost imprison ourselves and our abilities to progress and excel in life come to a halt.

I remember seeing a dear friend a few years back...he was walking with another business associate and I was 5 months pregnant in my maternity "sweats" dropping off some paper work on my day off. I was somewhat embarrassed of my appearance, so I drove around back to avoid an awkward hello (or as what I would have deemed awkward). I watched him enter the building and I breathed a sigh of relief..."he didn't see me!" A week later, he was killed in a boating accident. If only I hadn't cared so much about MY appearance and MY self...if only I had said hello not knowing it was truly going to be goodbye.

If only's should have no place in our lives. The "if only" results of the choices we made or didn't make have brought us to this exact spot in life. All we can do is actually take note, move forward, and forgive ourselves. Live regret free and learn from your "if only's".

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” - Mercedes Lackey