Give yourself a damn minute!

This life is absolutely crazy. We crave for simple, yet we fill our plates with things to make us feel more important, more necessary, just MORE.

The best way I can explain how I am feeling today is, when I reflect and look back on pictures of "younger me", I wish I could have told "younger me" slow down, Tiffany. Take this moment in because soon, you will be working 3+ jobs to keep your head above water, barely holding it together when everyone just thinks you're so strong and all you want to do is just breathe for a minute without worrying about the mortgage, the broken toilet, the overgrown grass, the empty refrigerator...are ya getting where I am going?

My focus this year: Balance. Not just physical balance (which, in actuality, a little celebration here...I'm down 23 pounds since January 5th and feel fantastic!), but emotional and life balance. FOMO, a.k.a. fear of missing out, had to go to the waist side. I needed to focus on getting myself in a place where I could choose what mattered, take time for me, truly grasp what my kids needed from ME, and on the flip side, what I needed from THEM.

Not only did I begin a very simple gratitude journal, I truly started taking note of what did matter. There are so many things we wrongly believe we can control but we cannot. We actually control very little, and realizing that in itself will change your thinking almost immediately. When any crisis hits, ask yourself: "Will this matter a day from now? A week from now? A year?" These questions alone will help you prioritize and work through crises more effectively, as well as open the door for healing. In my daily journey, I look around and see where I can improve, where I can change, and where I can inspire. Those are things I can control. How I respond to all challenges is 100% up to me. How others behave, what others do, and all of life's happenings are things none of us can control. So, give yourself a damn minute! Allow yourself a lazy moment. Say "no" or say "yes" but, say it with the knowledge that it is in your best interest.

My simple list of 9 (ongoing work in progress):
1. Wake up and thank God you did.
2. Open the blinds and look outside to a brand new day.
3. Hug your family and kids when you can.
4. Remind yourself and them that no matter what the day brings, you love them and cherish them.
5. Be proactive in your emotional and physical health.
6. Forgive yourself. Forgive others.
7. Embrace that everything is temporary; success as well as failure.
8. Discover your talents and use them.
9. Follow your instincts, and don't allow fear to block your journey to greatness.


Thus says the LORD:”Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls."
~Jeremiah 6:16

Don't Be Comfortable With Failure

The dead end job.
The going-nowhere relationship.
The one-sided friendships that are ever-draining.
Waking up, doing what you need to do...not what you want to do...and going to bed. Repeat.
Not trying anything new...never extending yourself outside of the dreaded comfort zone.

From "The Myth of Being Comfortable" Don't get comfortable with failure, discomfort is a precursor for growth. Learn to not fear discomfort.

One of my goals with this blog is to reiterate that we should be thriving and not JUST surviving.

In my last blog post "Triggers", I touched upon how we will revisit and repeat patterns because of a comfort level; satisfaction and happiness levels fall to the waist side. Another round of failures bury us deeper into a comfortable failure philosophy. Similar to a toxic cycle, this philosophy is tough to break free from. We linger, we hope for change, and we continue down a dead end path with the utmost optimism, until those ongoing failings chip away at an already damaged spirit, and we are left cycling and questioning everything.

Fear can be crippling. Fear of moving forward. Closing the door and not looking back. Letting go is one of the hardest things for a human being to do. We have this immortality perception and innately, we struggle with things ending.

Losing yourself is the absolute worse result of not letting go to things in life that are not right for you. People, places, things...we will often cling so tightly that we lose grip on what's important. Our inner peace. Our inner spirit. Our drive to do better, want better and live better.

Where do you start?
Well, I started with 3 steps and I repeat them EVERY DAY.
I'm a month in to this, and every day, I am stronger. I am more centered. I am more me.

1. Set your alarm in the morning to include a positive message.
Mine says "Good Morning Amazing Woman!" (got this idea from one of my dearest friends JVB - not sure if I even told her so thank you friend!)

2. Yesterday and all its worth is behind us. The victories and failures. Let it go.
Today is a gift. Let your presence be felt in the present.

3. Forgive yourself. Everyday. We are imperfect people. We are incredible, amazing God-inspired, beautiful, emotion-filled imperfect people.
Look in the mirror, say it out loud, believe it and live your life.


Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Triggers

Living in Florida, you always know when it's allergy season. Red eyes, runny noses, sneezing and just a plethora of misery around. I feel fortunate that I don't really suffer from allergies, but my son, a seasonal asthmatic, does suffer. As soon as I come out to my car and see the milky yellow oak pollen glaze, I know what's about to happen. His asthma will be triggered and then the increased inhaler treatments and daily doses of Claritin will follow.

Emotional triggers...well that's another story. And after 44 years on this Earth, I am kinda (finally) in tune to my triggers and the results aren't always as easy to cure as a Claritin and a box of tissues. Knowing what your triggers are is key, but often enough, we learn what our emotional triggers are AFTER the damage has been done.

For example, I've had some heartache (understatement). Some of it, my own damn fault. Not trusting my instincts, not listening to my soul-music (soul-music is the next blog so stay tuned!), and worst of all, repeating patterns because I feared the new, the uncomfortable...the unknown journey. As emotional human beings, we can get into this space where we believe if we 100% know what to expect, we will feel "safe."

3am...and your eyes shoot open, and at first you're relieved to see the time..."oh good, 3 more hours to sleep" but here's the deal...you are DONE for the night. No amount of position changes, yummy wine, melatonin, Xanax...whatever...is going to turn your mind off. Something...someone has triggered a response and your conscience is not going to shut up. Your mind races, and work worries surface, past hurts re-emerge, new worries are created...and then the alarm goes off, with your red-rimmed eyes still wide open and your soul (and body) exhausted.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired. I'm tired of people saying, "Tiffany, you look tired." But to be completely frank with you, I'm tired of BEING exhausted and dealing with the lingering results of not knowing how to change it up; how to reduce the "trigger effect".

Honestly, it isn't about money. Money comes in and money comes out. And, it isn't about hope, because I got plenty of that! Re-training the brain is what needs to happen; creating positive triggers by knowing WHAT is good for you, HOW it is good for you, and most very importantly, WHY it is good for you.

What are emotional triggers? The short list: songs, places, and smells.
Let me digress...you're driving home from a particularly challenging day at work. No one is waiting at home because the ex has the kids...a song comes on the radio, and you threaten to change it, but you don't. "I can do this...it's just a song."
WRONG - emotional trigger number one. Soon after, you're home sobbing, reflecting, regretting, searching for lost cards, pictures, tangible memories AND you're back at square one.

The second emotional trigger? Places. "I'm just gonna stop into this place, get a quick drink, and head home." Two hours later, you're pouring your heart out to the bartender, and you wonder how the hell you got where you are. Don't revisit places with crazy, significant memories OR wait until you're strong enough to make new ones there. If "I used to go there with..." then don't go. Pass it, and find a new place. You will thank me later. (Even if they have the best wings!)

The third trigger, but actually, the most significant one...is smells. From fifthsense.org The sense of smell is closely linked with memory, probably more so than any of our other senses. Those with full olfactory function may be able to think of smells that evoke particular memories; the scent of an orchard in blossom conjuring up recollections of a childhood picnic, for example. All of a sudden, you're in your grandmother's kitchen, or your estranged family member's presence, or, someone who still may have a piece of your heart. The worst part about this trigger, you can't change the radio channel, or drive by it. It may just happen with a stop at the store, a visit to a friend's house, or a random stop to Yankee Candle.

All I can say is this...I have a journal with my triggers clearly written out, and sometimes, I need to revisit it. With this being said, sometimes, triggers can be good. A new adventure or new path. I am still figuring out all my triggers but I do know WHEN to change the song, HOW to drive by, and WHEN a smell evokes a memory, I allow myself to embrace it...for a moment...and then I let it go. We are meant to be loved, to be content, to be appreciated and to be at peace.

Take a moment, and think about your triggers...the moments where, all of a sudden, you are reeling, hurting, questioning. Let me tell you this. You ARE deserving. You ARE good. And when you can retrain your brain to not only know your triggers, but to create and embrace positive triggers, you will be on a path of self-healing and prosperity.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; Philippians 4:6

Don't pick the scab!

Two weeks ago, I found myself in paradise. Absolutely beautiful island paradise...blue waters, perfect skies, endless palm trees...

And a gigantic tennis-ball sized welt surrounded by an ever growing bruise smack dab in the middle of my right shin. A painful reminder of a set of lounge chairs that crossed my path when I trudged back to my hotel room after a fun day of day-drinking, sunbathing, and just disconnecting from the reality of everyday life.

You may have giggled a little bit...heck, it's damn funny! I am a klutz. In life and love. It's pretty funny that two weeks later, the tan has faded, my bank account remains empty, yet the welt has only begun to diminish and an attractive red scab remains. Arnica gel on the bruises have reduced the bright purple to a minimal yellow-green.

When I look at my leg daily and its progress (almost frustratingly), I can only compare the snail-like slow healing to the immensely slow process of the healing of a broken heart.

I love this diagram as it exemplifies the 4 stages of a healing wound, the last one being "remodeling".
Will my shin EVER be the same? The answer is...no. Just like our hearts after a heartbreak. It is NEVER the same. Scar tissue sets in and a song, a word, a waft of fragrance immediately can bring us back to the point of impact. Our physical bodies are incredible healing machines when it comes to wounds. The "remodeling" is unique, and involuntarily orchestrated by our brains, nerve cells, blood and skin cells.

When it comes to emotional healing, we are, unfortunately, more in control of how we handle it. We often go full speed ahead, looking for a replacement for the gaping hole that heartache can leave. We wake up daily and repeat a cycle; kind of a Groundhog Day nightmare - we do it over and over and over again. We haven't lost hope in the fairytale, right?

In the process of a physical wound healing, such as my now golfball sized welt accented with a lovely bright maroon center, if we pick the scab, we, in essence, are SLOWING down the process. We bleed again, we dab at it, and we wait for our human bodies to restart, regroup, and create a new boo-boo. If we know this, why do we pick our scabs?
Metaphorically speaking of course...why do we try and speed up healing of a broken heart? Time DOES heal. It also teaches us about ourselves (if we want to learn anything that is!) and it allows our souls to fill, the cracks in our heart to mend, and our spirits to renew and be what it needs to be, not just to others but to our own damaged self.

The coming weeks, for me, will be a time of physical as well as emotional healing. When I arrived in the Bahamas just shy of 3 weeks ago, I had made a conscious decision that I was going to let go of so many hurts, and disappointments, and truly enjoy myself. As I look down at my shin, I can smile. Did it hurt like hell and did I cry all the way back to my room? Maybe...
But on the way back to my room, my broken, bruised and battered self (I hadn't seen my other shin or my face yet!), I reached a crossroad...a new path. A journey of self-discovery and soul understanding. And I am not looking back.

Madness ensues...or does it?

Well...it's been TOO long since my last blog. Call it lack of inspiration or maybe just completely overwhelmed with this thing called life! I am never one to "force a blog" or write just because it has been awhile. Writing is a passion, a hobby, but unless my soul is aligned with a topic, I won't even delve into my laptop with the hope that my fingers will type out something on their own.

Topic today...sanity. The opposite of sanity of course is insanity, crazy, mad, nuts, unbalanced, trainwreck, and even unpredictable. Words that I am quite familiar with! In the search for sanity, we can make ourselves absolutely insane! In the quest for balance, we can become lost, unable to find a happy medium in anything we do or say. Often times, we have to look around, outside of ourselves, to try and understand what is making us "crazy".

Recently, I have learned (possibly the hard way...but this is NO pity party!) is that there are people and things in our life that we have to let go of, no matter how much it hurts. To clarify, these are people and things that bring out the absolute worst in you...all those traits and "demons" that we prefer to keep locked up in the safe haven of our heart's chambers. We search ourselves, and plead with ourselves to become a certain way and our soul is in pure conflict...

Here comes the crazy...the unbalance...the tightrope walk that in no way are you going to cross without falling and shattering!

Stop. Wait. Be still and regroup. Understand that you are worthy, amazing, gifted, and extremely special. And that ANY situation or relationship that you're in that does not convey these feelings, leave it. Walk away and never look back.

We cannot fill anyone's cup unless ours is filled.
We cannot fight someone's demons when ours are alive and well, and "running the show".
We cannot change anyone.
We are not powerless; we must empower ourselves, dig deep, and absolutely fall in love with the person that looks back at you in the mirror.

Life is hard enough. Every day is an opportunity for you to do better.

Think of 5 words you use to describe yourself; if ANY of them are negative, put downs, or just not equivalent of "fanfriggintastic" CHANGE IT! Feel free to comment below.

Alpha and Omega

Disclosure: I will let you know that this blog post is a bit different than my past ones. Usually I start with some kind of inspirational "get up and go" kind of deal…
This blog post I am sharing with you is written to help me (and maybe you!) try and understand why things have to come to an end, whether it be a career, friendship, romantic relationship...even life.

Everything has a beginning and everything has an end.

In Biblical terms, Alpha and Omega symbolize Jesus Christ.
Alpha and Omega are also known as the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet.

Waking up the other morning, the first idea that popped into my mind was "Alpha and Omega". It was a profound but very quick momentary thought...one I immediately recorded in a voice text as the morning sun hadn't breached my curtains and I was still in a bit of a dreamy state.

When I gathered myself and brewed some much needed coffee, I revisited my thoughts and the research began. Where did these thoughts come from and what do they represent?

After some mental digging (and another cup of coffee) I began to recall being fascinated with geometric figures in high school; parallel infinite lines that would NEVER intersect or circles, which have no beginning or end.

Here's the thing about endings...they are usually not pleasant but things always happen for a reason. More often than not, an ending may mean a beginning.

With my mind reeling, and reflecting on all of my beginnings and endings in my life, I have some "life lessons" to share...so here goes:

1. Sometimes we will stare at a closed door so long, we won't notice others opening around us.

2. Just because something has to end, doesn't mean it's easy. Endings are hard. Period.

3. Growth is uncomfortable. We often linger in a situation because it's "easy" or "comfortable". When we end something and entertain a new start, it can be downright scary.

4. Follow your gut. Maybe that sounds cliche, but if your spirit within in you is telling you "NO", listen.

5. This is a tough one...but...sometimes...the grass IS greener.

Several weeks ago, my daughter and I rescued this helpless tiny kitten. She was shivering and literally in the middle of the street. We scooped her up, and immediately opened our petless home to her. Our family had lost our golden retrievers 4 short years ago and the sting still stung...our hearts were still bruised. But this was a new beginning for our three person little family. Eleven days later, Lucy, our kitten, passed away due to a disease her fragile body couldn't fight off. Grief shadowed over our house once again, like a dark cloud that no wind would blow away. Another ending but an ending that led to a wonderful beginning...Link. A healthy, fun, playful boy kitten gifted to us from a dear friend in the wake of Lucy's passing.

The takeway...our family was ready for a pet, finally. Maybe fate forced us into it...but love and the awareness that it was time brought us through it and now, I can see how something that ends, even a heartbreaking end, can lead us down to the path of a fresh beginning.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about all that is good in your life. Do not dwell on the hurts of yesterday...but place hope in the thrill of an exciting new tomorrow. Make each decision with purpose, learn from your past, and know that your greatest brightest days are ahead of you.