Knowing When to Say When....

Who feels me? Have you had enough? Enough of stress, being stretched so thin that your soul actually hurts? Who knows what it's like to have "brain overload" to the point where you walk out of the house without half the things you need?

This is where I am at!

Several weeks ago, I was sitting in traffic...looking side to side at all the drivers. Some having coffee, some talking to another passenger, some frowning, and some were just staring blankly ahead. And for a moment, all I wanted to do was open my door, and walk away...just take a walk...who knows where and honestly, who cares. I had just had enough.

Life is hard. Life is even harder when you have too much on your shoulders. How do we take stuff off of our plate? Work is work...it's necessary and it can bury you. Home responsibilities can bury you too! But wait, but what about taking care of you? Feeding your soul, exercising your body, slowing down your brain...and relaxing? Does that happen anymore?

I had this week off from work. I'm a mom and teacher and I will spare you the details of my day to day obstacles that I face as an elementary school teacher and as a single mother. Instead, I'm going to give you a smidgen of perspective.

I'm completely overwhelmed. If I could clone myself, it would have to be in triplicate in order to cover the obligations and sustain the workload I have. But, cloning is not an option. I have to learn to say no, and I have to truly grasp what my limits are, as a person, as mom, as a friend, as a co-worker, etc.


Balance.

I love this picture. The big stone represents the most important stuff...you decide what that is...
The little ones...well those are the lesser things but still need to be in your life.

Look at your life. Really put those glasses on and look.
Look at your "seesaw"... how out of balance are you? And what can you take off?
What is draining you? And, besides staying up late trolling Pinterest for the latest uplifting quote, what can you change in order to regain balance?

I challenge you by the end of this year (that completely flew by...are ya gettin' me?), take something off your plate that is boggling your mind...that is stretching your soul...that is making you question if you can make it. It's not an easy challenge! But there is something, something on that life-plate of yours that can come off, that can ease the burden. It may be a big "rock" that needs to shift or maybe it's a tiny little "pebble" that is throwing you off balance.

Are you ready for the challenge? I know I am...

Finding YOUR Happy

Right off the bat disclosure: Sorry for the delay in posting but...I'm on summer holiday from teaching, freshly back from a 10 day trip to where I grew up (New England)...and I've been spending some time reflecting.

Happiness. Anyone can try and define what their idea of happiness is. In our heads and hearts, we have all developed an idea of what happiness is and looks like, whether it is from our experiences or from the ideas of others, society, etc. As a recovering people-pleaser, it has been (and continues to be) a very interesting "journey" to find my happy. I have gone down some pretty long roads that end up in an unhappy dead end. Some short roads as well! Some doors I've closed that I wished maybe I had kept open a little longer...and some windows I tend to "look out" wondering if I should crack them open and let some of that air in. Yes, I am speaking a bit metaphorically, but hold on for a moment and hear me out...there is a point.

What is happy? What does it "look" like?

"Your" happy can be many things and it can change, like a kaleidoscope, depending on your perspective or life situation.

To me...

Happy is when you are focused, when you have zero anxiety about where you are or what you are doing.

Happy is when you can lay your head on your pillow and smile as you go to sleep.

Happy is when you wake up and decide to be in a good place, and choose better...no matter what.

Happy is when you know that you are going to have sad moments, ugly moments, confusing moments, and downright crappy moments but you will be ok...and you will regain your happy.

Happy is being grateful for what you have and hopeful for what you want.

My happy is spending time with my loves, cooking a yummy meal for friends and family, folding warm laundry, enjoying a fantastic glass of wine while catching up with a close friend, blogging or writing while looking out at a sunny and bright day, going for long walks and listening to my favorite music, mowing my lawn and "talking" to my plants, watching the "glass-like" water whisk by while boating, making someone laugh with my wittiness, sitting quietly and looking around at the home I purchased for myself and my children, looking into the eyes of students in my classroom as I make a fool out of myself (ha ha), seeing the clouds and sky change into a million colors during a sunset...

There are many things that compose my happy...what are some of yours?
Feel free to comment below.

Recovering drama-holic

Per Webster's online dictionary, drama is a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces. What stuck out to me is "interesting or intense conflict of forces."

Ask yourself, do you invite drama to your life? Do you cultivate it? Do you seek out drama?

Lets dissect this definition, shall we?
The "interesting" part is what brings us in.
The "intense" part is what creates anxiety.
The "conflict" part is actually what feeds our innate need to "help and fix" a situation.

The word conflict spells out one thing...T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

As someone who is an active "mental" attendee of DA (Drama Anonymous) I will tell you that being addicted to drama is an underlying lifestyle addiction that is very hard to quit...and it can be a real struggle to not only walk away from drama, but to stop creating it and allowing it within your own life.

I recall driving in my car and getting mentally overwhelmed with anxiety about work, family, friend and relationship situations and I had to talk myself down from the ledge. Part of my ongoing "recovery" has been utilizing coping strategies to battle the entrance of drama into my life.

I will spare you the dramatic situations that caused the anxiety (part of my recovery!).
I will share with you instead some awesome drama-free living coping strategies. Here goes...

1. Ask yourself "how is this situation making me feel?" Often, the hardest part is tapping into your own feelings and channeling your true emotions about a situation.

2. Is this going to matter in a day? A week? A month from now? I have found that stepping back and viewing the moment outside of the moment can give you clarity and also prevent further thought. Choose what matters.

3. When your mind is waking you up at 3am, it is trying to tell you something. Instead of battling it, face it. Write it down and look at what you are anxious or mentally stressing about in your own handwriting. You would be amazed at how that can help you through a sleepless night.

4. Know your boundaries, limitations and your absolutes. This was (and is) my biggest struggle as a recovering drama-holic. I am a caring, selfless person. I have made the mistake of caring too much, sharing too much, and spreading myself thin to the point I didn't know where Tiffany started and where the drama ended. My boundaries are getting less blurry and my absolutes? Well...let's just say I am at the point where "drama" or "conflict" is giving me a physical reaction.

5. Trust your gut. Yes. I said that. I have ignored, fought, turned away from my gut. And it has gotten me in some hot water. Don't negotiate with your gut. You will lose in the long run, and may lose a lot more than just the battle with your gut instinct.

This post was one of the hardest ones for me to share. (I've been working on it for nearly two months!)
Letting go and turning your back to drama sounds like an easy thing to do. What I have recently learned about me is that for many years I "thrived" in chaos, not knowing how to allow the natural flow of life to occur or for certain life events to play out on their own. Sounds silly I know but I always had this skewed perception that if I tried hard enough, and involved myself enough, the desired outcome would eventually happen, even if it nearly cost me myself. But admitting the problem is the first step to drama-free living.


My daughter coined it perfectly!
"Mom, it's better to walk away from a bad scene then be stuck in a movie."
Ahhhhh....from the mouth of babes, right?

It's ok to love yourself.

Self love.
For many years of my life, I associated self love with being selfish. Loving your self is actually one of the most selfless things you can do, or least selfish depending on how you look at it!

Taking time for you and investing in yourself and your hopes, dreams and goals not only improves and builds upon your self worth that this tired negative world is constantly trying to "steal" from, but it improves your relationships with others around you. Yes...taking care of you can help you be a better parent, friend, partner, sibling, co-worker, etc.

Raise your hand if you like hanging out with a chronic complainer? A miserable stressed out impatient, negative person? I still don't see your hand. Wanna know why? Because it isn't fun filling someone else's cup ALL THE TIME when you have to keep some "life water" in your own cups. The successful give and take in all things in life requires balance.

My biggest hurdle was (and is) guilt. Feeling guilty about taking alone time to catch up on a favorite show, letting the laundry build up and the dishes go undone, leaving the phone behind, sometimes just doing nothing, and the biggest "guilt strike" is me saying no.

"No, I can't" is hard for an overachiever like myself to say (aren't we all trying to over achieve on something?). I have this fear of missing out on things, fear of not belonging and the ultimate fear of letting people down.

"Get over it, Tiffany" I finally said to myself in the mirror. "Stop trying to save the world, and attempting to be the saver to others and start saving yourself."

These are some steps that I am taking (and continually taking) as I am a beautiful work in progress:
1. Make a list of what you want your life to look like. If that is too overwhelming, then ask yourself what you want your year, month, week or even day, to look like.

2. Look around - what can you purge? How can you simplify? Having too much stuff can actually contribute to our anxieties and distract us from what is truly important.

3. Go off the grid once in a while. Sure, it can be fun to post about where you are, what you're eating, who you are with but sometimes it's pretty cool just to chill with yourself or friends/family without going all social media crazy.

4. We all got crap. All of us. Don't judge other people's crap and don't allow someone else's judgement of your crap get to you. Love you and all your flaws.

5. Create a playlist of songs that lift you up, that get you in a successful growth mindset. Play it when things are quiet and your mind tends to travel to places it shouldn't go. (I call those places doubtville, self-sabotageville, regretville or one of my personal favorites, toomuchdramaville.)

6. Don't wrestle with your past. One can compare it to wrestling with a ghost...you can swipe at it but it isn't going to make one bit of difference. Learn from mistakes, take the good and move forward. Sounds super cliche but it's not an easy task.

7. And lastly, retrain your brain. Look at yourself in the mirror and pick out 5, 10, 15 things you love about you, your mind and your body. Build on that list often and take note. Create a self-love gratitude journal, maybe?

That's all for now.

As I write while looking out the passenger window at the cars going by, traveling from one place to another, I am pensive...thinking about what lies ahead, trying my best to enjoy the ride and admire the reflection staring back at me in the side view mirror.