The Invisible Thief

My last post was January 25th, 2020. Maybe inexcusable in the mind of a writer, but understandable considering the great robbery of 2020. Our peace of mind...our livelihoods...our sanity...our ability to BE with people we love and care for...stolen by an invisible thief...fear.

You probably thought I would say COVID-19, right? Well, COVID-19 is more visible than fear...than worry...than silence. It's all over the news, the internet, and it's all over people's faces. But the fear that it has created around the globe is an invisible force that is consuming peace and tranquility like the fiery melting hot lava of an angry volcano that has been dormant for thousands of years. Taking precaution versus throwing caution to the wind...judging eyes everywhere...wearing your mask has become not only a point of conversation, but a point of fashion. Smiles covered by team logos, fun images of our favorite things, or just a temporaray throwaway guard that helps keep us safe. Where is the mask for our mind? The mask that guards our minds against the unraveling...the restlessness...the fear?

One of my favorite quotes is actually from a movie...Fantastic Beasts. "Worrying means you suffer twice" - Newt Scamander. All the time we spend worrying, we never ever get back. And don't for one minute think I am underestimating what is happening and what COVID-19 truly is...it's real, it is a scary, unpredictable virus that affects everyone differently. How can we battle such fear? Such worry? Isolating ourselves and losing sleep (with our minds as well) is what the fear wants...we must have hope.

It's a miraculous thing when a flower will find a crack through the thickest part of the cement. A drop of water and just a hint of light and a flower can bloom. If this tiny flower can find the light, we will as well. We will persevere. We will rise and overcome. Heading into 2021, we are a different world. How we approach every single minute is up to us, and we must embrace hope with an expectation and an appreciation of what we have! The great things we hope to happen is the best New Year's resolution we can make. Take what we know, follow our hearts, and apply it to what we want. Cheers to 2021!

20/20 Vision

It's interesting to read people's resolutions and reflections of a year to come and the year forever behind us. Me, being somewhat "teacher minded", saw the irony in this year...2020...20/20 vision is known as perfect vision. No glasses needed! I am going into this year...the final year of a decade (and yes, 2020 is not the beginning of a new decade, but the end of one) reflective and knowing that my moments of despair and brokenness were just moments of growth and opportunity leading down to the road of hope and renewal.

I am weeping with hope today. I look back at the last 10 years...not just one...and go "WHOAH Tiff...how did you get up and go? How did you get up and survive? And smile?"

2010 to 2019...another divorce...moving around a bunch...heartache that could have filled a stadium...lost friends...but still...I got up and kept going. I bought a house all on my own in 2016, finally giving me and my kids a place to call home...permanently. I finally followed my passion to teach...leaving a very lucrative sales job behind. I made tons of mistakes and cried a lot of tears...rivers, let me tell you! I look into the faces of my students...day after day...week after week...year after year and I know I did the right thing.

We are so quick to point out the faults when we look at ourselves. Mirrors don't lie, do they? But the voices in our heads often deceive us.
Grab a mirror...and look into your eyes...not anything else. Your eyes have seen things, processed things, cried, dreamed, and they have "smiled". We are imperfect people, but we have something that is always perfect. Our ability to love and forgive and move on. This ability is often shadowed or hindered by hurt and doubt, but once revealed, it is unstoppable.

My heart is beating again. My vision for me and for my children and for those that I love and care for is 20/20. Believe that good will happen and it will. Open your heart. And be the very best person you can every day.

Thankful Reflections in the Best and Worst of Times....

One of my favorite literary authors is Charles Dickens. Incredible stories of misfortune and triumph have emerged from his mind. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." is the famous opening for The Tale of Two Cities.

Incredibly enough, this phrase coins where I am at in life. Good and bad things happening all at once...all different extremes. How do we cope? How do we wake up everyday and keep going? The motivation behind survival comes from all different things, and recognizing what that is is how we cope and how we keep going on.

Today is the day before Thanksgiving, and this time of year always gets crazy. Crazy good for some, and crazy bad for others. The pressure of the "perfect holiday" looms over like a dark cloud. How do we, as busy, social-media hungry, already stretched-too-thin individuals diffuse this pressure?

1. QTIP - Quit Taking It Personally (everyone is going through something)
2. KISS - Keep It Simple Silly (choose what matters)
3. NO - Say it without feeling bad. Even the best horse can't wear two saddles!
4. YES - To you, to self-care, to taking care of what's the nearest and dearest to you.
5. THANKFUL - Every day, no matter where you are at, be thankful for something.

I woke up this morning, inspired. Bills fill my mailbox, the refrigerator could be fuller, and heck, I would love not having to work 3 jobs to keep things going but...

I'm thankful for my healthy children who love me.
I'm thankful for my health and my ability to work as much as I do to provide.
I'm thankful for all the people that I have met in my different jobs.
I'm thankful for my friends, and for my family, and for all of those who have always supported me, no matter what.
My mind is reflective today as we are 5 weeks away from a new decade.
What will it bring?
Hope and prosperity is a mindset...and fueling it with what we are thankful for is the key to keep on keeping on!
All the best and Happy Thanksgiving!

In all things, give thanks - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Reservation & Preservation

"Table for two at 7:30pm, please." I politely requested a specific time when calling one of my favorite restaurants. "I'm sorry, we don't have that time available. We have 6pm or 9pm." In my head, I'm like "YUCK!" Too early and too late...are these really my options? I settle into the idea of a late dinner...with my ever-optimistic mind, maybe I will get in a little early? "9pm will work, thank you."

After hanging up, I realized I thanked someone for NOT GIVING ME WHAT I WANTED! Ha, what is wrong with this picture? Of course, it's a simple fix...and it's only a dinner reservation. I could change nights, go somewhere else, or stay in and cook. Definitely not the end of the world. But this whole ordeal actually got me thinking. Do I direct my journey and decisions, or do I allow others to direct me? Am I so influenced by others that I tend to settle with less than just so I can be a part of something?

My mind wandered to my life as of late; crazy schedule with my children, back in school, fullest plate ever, two jobs, barely any time to think...or to wrap my head around where I am at. As a single woman in her mid 40's, I have to take the bull by the horns and determine my own happiness. With a still lingering aching heart, and looming bills...I got selfish. I booked a "self care" day on Thursday. A facial, massage, fancy dinner with friends...and no, I didn't have any extra money but what good is all I am doing if I don't take care of the pilot of this ship...ME.

After my evening, I slept better than I have in weeks. My heart healed a bit more (just a smidge), and I was a better mom to my kids, a better teacher, better coworker...better friend.

Investing in yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. How can we fill others' cups when our own cup is empty? We can point blame, question people's motives and even cast out our own insecurities and failures on others to make our own soul feel better. However what does all of that do except plant seeds of resentment in the garden of life? These seeds will bloom in the many storms of life, and you will be left at square one of self-discovery.

Self-preservation is a mind set. It's not surviving this life...it's thriving in it. It's adapting to change, and understanding what you need to better yourself, your life, and the lives of those around you.

"Hi, this is Tiffany. I have a reservation at 9, but it just will not work so please cancel and I will call back another time." I hung up, feeling a sense of satisfaction, not disappointment. The restaurant isn't going anywhere...but I am. The new path that I am creating for myself is bringing great things.

I reserve the right to my own self preservation!

The Sun Still Rises

The Sun Still Rises

The sun still rises
even when you have a broken heart
The world keeps spinning
even when you don't know where to start

The sun travels the azure sky
ever so wonderfully from east to west
You peek outside the window
but all your body craves is quiet rest

A broken heart is real
and can be the result of many things
Can be death, or betrayal, or
a loss of souls to queens and kings

As days and weeks slowly pass
one wonders can a fractured heart ever mend
when you wake up each new day
and just pray for it to come to a silent end

The sun still rises
even when you have a broken heart
But one day you will awaken
and want to make a brand new start

The sun so beautifully sets
especially when you have healed
You wistfully take in all of its glory
as your renewed brightened spirit is revealed.

"He heals the wounds of every shattered heart" Psalms 147:3

Taking chances...

It has been a bit since my last post; I won't apologize as I only blog when my mind allows. Which means, my mind has not allowed much as of late. Life has caught up with me, and it has caught up with me HARD. One day at a time is what I can deal with right now. Sometimes, just an hour at a time. My soul and heart are in a bit of turmoil but I know that it only means something GREAT is going to happen.

I have taken a lot of chances in my life. Some have ended wonderfully, some have ended terribly, but all have ended with me growing and learning and understanding myself more. Isn't that what it's about? Personal growth? If we don't have takeaways from each experience, we stall in our growth. Our beings are constant works in progress...daily...weekly...yearly works in progress. Every single day we learn a little bit more about ourselves; how we handle conflict, how we handle accomplishments, and how we handle heartbreak.

2019 is a promised year for me; a promised year of growth, taking chances, and moving forward. Resting my mind when things become overwhelming, hibernating when I need to regroup, and experiencing new things on my own. Being a great mom, engaged and open-minded to my children's needs and wants, is an important goal for me. Making decisions that I feel will best suit me and them. Becoming wiser in my journey by truly taking in all of life's circumstances, and process them and make them make sense for me. Remember, regret is a place we shall not dwell in...but a place we can always learn and grow from. Take a moment and reflect on your life and all the choices and chances you took and think about where you are today. The idea of consequence may come to mind, but in all things, and all the mistakes you made...you learned, you grew, and you became wiser.

"To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper." - Proverbs 19:8

Life is like a Rubik's Cube

Recently, my son has taken an affinity to the Rubik's Cube. Maybe it's a fad...but it has kept his attention nearly as well as his Xbox. It arrived neat in it's package and he was so excited. He almost didn't want to "screw it up" by messing with it as all of the colors were neatly lined up and matched.

Well, curiosity got the better of him, and he went at it. Mixing it up, trying new ways to get it back to it's original perfection. To no avail, after hours of listening to him in his room, the backseat of our car, and any other spot he could find to have at it, it remains a mismatched mess. And for now, he's put it down; in his words "to think about how he can get it back".

Of course, my ever-busy mind started thinking about how this Rubik's Cube can be compared to life. We start out new, matched, not-fractured...whole. Life's happenings twist us all about and can often make a mess...and we are left all "screwed up". Or are we?

We frantically search for ways to repair ourselves, better our souls, replenish what was lost...
I remember asking myself, "How did I get here? Where did I go wrong?" Self-help books, endless podcasts, uplifting memes and Pinterest posts string us along with a belief that we can truly help ourselves get back to good...whole...anew. Maybe just shifting our thoughts by just a little, we can stop beating ourselves up, improve our outlook on life and not get "back to good" but "move forward to better"?

What if you just accepted where you are...don't say you have...but BELIEVE that you are exactly where you are supposed to be no matter what your past whispers in your ear?
Every single day you are given a chance to speak kindness onto someone, smile through this life journey that, FYI, EVERYONE is on, and get wiser by the moment. And here's an eye-opener for you:
You may learn something new. Growth...change...it's uncomfortable. But our minds are boundless and have the ability to adapt and look at things through a different lens.

No...there really isn't a life manual to get back to good. My son asked me to order this on Amazon, but then he found a YouTuber who showed him how to do it, step by step, and what to do when he hit a wall. His spirits were lifted, and even though the Rubik's Cube was back to its original matched state, he went and messed it up again to challenge himself to solve it on his own.
I learn a lot from reading, writing, music...but I learn most from my children. Their fearless attempts at life inspire me to do the same.
Go buy yourself a Rubik's Cube and mess it up and see what it does for your mind!