Reservation & Preservation

"Table for two at 7:30pm, please." I politely requested a specific time when calling one of my favorite restaurants. "I'm sorry, we don't have that time available. We have 6pm or 9pm." In my head, I'm like "YUCK!" Too early and too late...are these really my options? I settle into the idea of a late dinner...with my ever-optimistic mind, maybe I will get in a little early? "9pm will work, thank you."

After hanging up, I realized I thanked someone for NOT GIVING ME WHAT I WANTED! Ha, what is wrong with this picture? Of course, it's a simple fix...and it's only a dinner reservation. I could change nights, go somewhere else, or stay in and cook. Definitely not the end of the world. But this whole ordeal actually got me thinking. Do I direct my journey and decisions, or do I allow others to direct me? Am I so influenced by others that I tend to settle with less than just so I can be a part of something?

My mind wandered to my life as of late; crazy schedule with my children, back in school, fullest plate ever, two jobs, barely any time to think...or to wrap my head around where I am at. As a single woman in her mid 40's, I have to take the bull by the horns and determine my own happiness. With a still lingering aching heart, and looming bills...I got selfish. I booked a "self care" day on Thursday. A facial, massage, fancy dinner with friends...and no, I didn't have any extra money but what good is all I am doing if I don't take care of the pilot of this ship...ME.

After my evening, I slept better than I have in weeks. My heart healed a bit more (just a smidge), and I was a better mom to my kids, a better teacher, better coworker...better friend.

Investing in yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. How can we fill others' cups when our own cup is empty? We can point blame, question people's motives and even cast out our own insecurities and failures on others to make our own soul feel better. However what does all of that do except plant seeds of resentment in the garden of life? These seeds will bloom in the many storms of life, and you will be left at square one of self-discovery.

Self-preservation is a mind set. It's not surviving this life...it's thriving in it. It's adapting to change, and understanding what you need to better yourself, your life, and the lives of those around you.

"Hi, this is Tiffany. I have a reservation at 9, but it just will not work so please cancel and I will call back another time." I hung up, feeling a sense of satisfaction, not disappointment. The restaurant isn't going anywhere...but I am. The new path that I am creating for myself is bringing great things.

I reserve the right to my own self preservation!