Be True To You

So at 38 I am learning you can't please everyone. Most of the time, honestly, you can't please ANYONE. We bend, we change, we conform to what WE think people want us to be. And where we end up is confused but most importantly, we end up not living our best. We are each given a gift...a gift of uniqueness, originality, and of purpose. If we are constantly trying to please others we are trying to live out other's ideas of purpose for us and our unique original selves get lost.

Favorite child author Dr. Seuss says it best: "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you'er than you!" I have made countless choices based soley on people's perceptions of what I SHOULD have done. Instead of ending up happy and fulfilled, I have been left with making other choices...harder choices to put me back on the path I was supposed to be on. After close to 5 years, I can say I have my happy back. My voice may shake when I am speaking the truth, but at least it speaks it! The fear of rejection and the worry of not being good enough fades a little bit with each day of me perservering, pushing forward...straining towards the goal of being true to me. My children see a happier mom, a truer spirit, a soul-full lady living out who God intended me to be. An original. A gift. A purpose. We all have this gift inside...a gift of who WE TRULY ARE and not who the world wants us to be. Share it without fear and run your own race. "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Coming Full Circle

"It's never too late to bounce back.
What goes around, comes around.
Sometimes the down times seem endless.
But they're part of a cycle.
Be persistent.
That's the key.
Keep the faith.
It may take time.
But you'll bounce back."
- from It's Never Too Late...172 Simple Acts To Change Your Life

My daughter just turned 8 this past weekend.  To think 8 years have passed since that moment she entered the world and changed my life and truly changed my everything.  My life is completely different then it was 8 years ago.  I am a single mom of my daughter and son...living in a house a quarter of the size...couponing my way out of getting my electric turned off...and to be frank, I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

Maybe I am happier because I finally like myself.  Maybe I am happier because I live a simpler life.  Maybe I am happier because after years of wanting one, I have a beautiful garden flourishing with fresh vegetables and aromatic herbs. Maybe I am happier because I have realized that it is the little wonderful moments that help us move forward to a better place.

Eight years ago, the house I resided in was bustling with kids and neighbors and friends...it was the stopover between dropping kids off at school, running them to events, a quick cup of coffee or on the way out to another fun group dinner.  With the garage door always open, we entertained the neighborhood kids with a seemingly endless supply of juice boxes, popsicles, and snacks.  It was a fun, lively place and it was a life I had always wanted.

And now, once again, after some difficult times and tough decisions, my house has become a bustling "stopover" with no less than five children running through, munching on fresh fruit, sipping down sweet tea and dancing to whatever is on the radio.  Neighbors walk in and out of my yard, constantly greeted by my pair of golden retrievers.

I walk into my 1000 square foot home with a smile, and a feeling of gratitude.  Yes...gratitude.  When you can look back at what you have endured...when you can forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made...when you can look at your life and BE CONTENT in your spirit...that is gratitude.

I have come full circle, living in a place I never dreamed I would.  Enjoying life with family and friends like I never have.  Getting up in the morning with a sense of purpose and not a feeling of defeat.  Isn't this what life is all about? Learning? Progressing? Maturing into a human being of purpose and contentment?  

Push aside all of the falsehoods of your youth...the "false advertising" of the white picket fence that we all fell for.  Breathe. Focus. Become content in knowing life is hard for EVERYONE; the rich, the poor, the famous, the "nobodies".  How we handle the difficult moments (because they are just that...temporary moments) paves the way on how we can flourish in the glory of the goodness of this world.  

Embrace where you are and love your family and friends with all your heart.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress" - Frederick Douglas

Get Up, Stand Up

Happy Leap Year! Wow an extra day to live out your best.

I came across an old Japanese proverb amidst my readings "Fall seven times, stand up eight." Such a simple statement yet incredibly profound at the same time.

To be blatant, the last four years, ironically bookended by a leap year, have been a trip-and-fall mess of life. But I consider myself blessed...and most importantly, resilient.

In reality, placing blame doesn't ease life's hurts and traumas; it just complicates them and delays YOU moving forward.

When stopping in at a local coffee shop, I peeked at a community bulletin board. A tacked-up sticker read "You don't know how strong you are until you're living the circumstances that force you to be strong."

Allow your brain to think positively, connect with others (through your hurts and failures), live your life on purpose EVERYDAY, and face it with a new attitude. Seek the joy in the little moments and cease to dwell on what I call "the big uglies".

Resiliency is not a quality in only a few of us; it is in all of us. So brush off, get up and stand up once more.

Anyway - Martina McBride

Do It Anyway

Well I apologize for the massive gap between now and my last posts; to be frank I haven't had it IN me to write. Lately I have left it all on the "field of life"!

Exhausted... day in...day out. Life's disappointments became overwhelming and my inspirations dried up along with my enthusiasm for life. Wow. How absolutely depressing?!?!

When life absolutely stinks it up...do it anyway. LIVE it anyway...put one foot in front of the other and walk it out.

A dear friend recently put it to me like this "you have 2 choices...dwell or move on and learn!!". Hmmmmmmm, let's look at this.

What's more intimidating? A fearless fighter of life...a player...an all-in kind of person or a spectator...a let-things-happen-to-me kind of person?

I am a doer. I am a person of action. I am a woman of my word. I can't say I have always been but I am now. We are here to LIVE this out, BUILD it up, SING out loud!!

The definition of dwell is "to exist in a given place or state". So as a dweller, I am to exist in a place that has been given to me? By what...circumstance? Bad choices? A person? I don't think so!

We are made for more than "dwelling". We are created for excelling...for victory over strife...for love over hate...for LIFE over DEATH.

Dreams shattered? Dream them anyway. Heart broken? Love them anyway. Been told NO YOU CAN'T? Well if I must say....do it anyway.

Mirror Reflections

Mirrors are a fascinating thing. They accurately reflect an image to a tee. Well almost. A mirror is a backwards reflection. Words and pictures are reflected backwards. So if words and images are backwards, isn't the reflection of our face as well? I can see my reflection in the screen as I type this...and I appear at peace. But what do others see? Do they see an intellectual typing away while sipping her Starbucks? Do they see a mother? Do they see the writer in me?

The reflective aspect of a mirror actually came to me when I was brushing my daughter's hair this morning. She has this amazing long beautiful blonde hair that I used to pray for when I was growing up. I guess God answered the prayer with my daughter, huh? Anyway, she stares at her reflection in the mirror, and as I brush out the knots and curls and fly aways I see her expression change and improve with each brush stroke. "Mommy, aren't I the most beautiful little girl?" Ahhhh...un-fractured self image. I nod in agreement to her question, blinking away tears, and silently fearing the life hurts that lie ahead for my girl's heart.

Why is it when I look in the mirror, hastily brushing my chemically treated blonde wisps of hair, I see the flaws? The fragmented version of my former self? Why don't I see the very best IN me and, instead only pick apart the very worst? How backwards is that!

As we age, we not only feel older in our souls, our bodies and our spirits...we LOOK older. And the reflection staring back at me is a true testament to that. Soft lines frame my brown eyes...a deep wrinkle is forged between my eyebrows...and I see them as flaws. So I rush to the cosmetic store, scramble to make dermatologist appointments, book another "hair day"!! Fight fight fight fight, right?

Nope. I am going to surrender this fight. Am I going to let myself go? Forgo vanity for charity? Well lets not get crazy here...but the importance of reflection is not what is ON the surface...it is what is BELOW the surface. The reflective heart is far more complicated but far more important than our outward self. Without searching our hearts and reflecting upon ourselves, we will constantly feed the outward image with quick fixes and short term remedies.

I keep going back to my daughter's commentary on her image...her raw honesty...her outward and inner reflection in the same mirror I look at. A jealousy looms within me for that cohesion of inner and outer peace.

Honestly, I don't think what I feel is much different than many feel in this day and age. Constant pressure to appear "whole and happy", a life reliant on Starbucks lattes, squeezing in 30 minute cardio, pouring over the newest self-help books, rifled-through stacks of fashion and health magazines...failed attempts to uncover what lies within ALL of us....life knowledge, unfulfilled dreams, lingering passions, and self love.

Next time you peek at that mirror, whether it be a wall to wall vanity mirror, a computer monitor, or your rearview mirror...try and see the wisdom of the fine lines, the laughter in the wrinkled forehead, and the tears of joy cried from the eyes staring back at you.

Legacy

Today is the 10 year anniversary of 9/11...a day forever etched in our American minds. I know exactly where I was...and how I felt.

As I tearfully scroll through dramatic pictures, the raw emotions and the helpless feeling I had that day immediately return.

Millions of Americans woke up that day like any other day, rushing off to work or school or to catch a plane...and thousands were killed, many giving their lives to save others. Heroes. A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer. Ralph Waldo Emerson

What made one man decide to let others go down the stairwell before him? What kind of man, knowing his fate, fought suicidal hijackers and took control of a doomed plane?

Legacy is defined as something handed down from one person or generation to another; a gift. The legacy of the people that stood in harm's way to save others lives on today. Thousands of lives saved, hundreds of fatherless babies born, tons of unanswered questions and the rebirth of patriotism amidst true American tragedy is the legacy of 9/11/01.

Today, take just a moment, not just to honor those who gave their lives a decade ago, but to honor our American troops, the families left behind, and the legacy that lives on today.

Did you know that the fires at Ground Zero burned for 99 days? Over 3000 children lost a parent? That even though 10 years have passed, we can just look at one picture and we are there again...watching history unfold, lives forever changed, hearts shattered, and a country deeply wounded.

Psalm 46:10
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

God bless America!