Don't pick the scab!

Two weeks ago, I found myself in paradise. Absolutely beautiful island paradise...blue waters, perfect skies, endless palm trees...

And a gigantic tennis-ball sized welt surrounded by an ever growing bruise smack dab in the middle of my right shin. A painful reminder of a set of lounge chairs that crossed my path when I trudged back to my hotel room after a fun day of day-drinking, sunbathing, and just disconnecting from the reality of everyday life.

You may have giggled a little bit...heck, it's damn funny! I am a klutz. In life and love. It's pretty funny that two weeks later, the tan has faded, my bank account remains empty, yet the welt has only begun to diminish and an attractive red scab remains. Arnica gel on the bruises have reduced the bright purple to a minimal yellow-green.

When I look at my leg daily and its progress (almost frustratingly), I can only compare the snail-like slow healing to the immensely slow process of the healing of a broken heart.

I love this diagram as it exemplifies the 4 stages of a healing wound, the last one being "remodeling".
Will my shin EVER be the same? The answer is...no. Just like our hearts after a heartbreak. It is NEVER the same. Scar tissue sets in and a song, a word, a waft of fragrance immediately can bring us back to the point of impact. Our physical bodies are incredible healing machines when it comes to wounds. The "remodeling" is unique, and involuntarily orchestrated by our brains, nerve cells, blood and skin cells.

When it comes to emotional healing, we are, unfortunately, more in control of how we handle it. We often go full speed ahead, looking for a replacement for the gaping hole that heartache can leave. We wake up daily and repeat a cycle; kind of a Groundhog Day nightmare - we do it over and over and over again. We haven't lost hope in the fairytale, right?

In the process of a physical wound healing, such as my now golfball sized welt accented with a lovely bright maroon center, if we pick the scab, we, in essence, are SLOWING down the process. We bleed again, we dab at it, and we wait for our human bodies to restart, regroup, and create a new boo-boo. If we know this, why do we pick our scabs?
Metaphorically speaking of course...why do we try and speed up healing of a broken heart? Time DOES heal. It also teaches us about ourselves (if we want to learn anything that is!) and it allows our souls to fill, the cracks in our heart to mend, and our spirits to renew and be what it needs to be, not just to others but to our own damaged self.

The coming weeks, for me, will be a time of physical as well as emotional healing. When I arrived in the Bahamas just shy of 3 weeks ago, I had made a conscious decision that I was going to let go of so many hurts, and disappointments, and truly enjoy myself. As I look down at my shin, I can smile. Did it hurt like hell and did I cry all the way back to my room? Maybe...
But on the way back to my room, my broken, bruised and battered self (I hadn't seen my other shin or my face yet!), I reached a crossroad...a new path. A journey of self-discovery and soul understanding. And I am not looking back.

Madness ensues...or does it?

Well...it's been TOO long since my last blog. Call it lack of inspiration or maybe just completely overwhelmed with this thing called life! I am never one to "force a blog" or write just because it has been awhile. Writing is a passion, a hobby, but unless my soul is aligned with a topic, I won't even delve into my laptop with the hope that my fingers will type out something on their own.

Topic today...sanity. The opposite of sanity of course is insanity, crazy, mad, nuts, unbalanced, trainwreck, and even unpredictable. Words that I am quite familiar with! In the search for sanity, we can make ourselves absolutely insane! In the quest for balance, we can become lost, unable to find a happy medium in anything we do or say. Often times, we have to look around, outside of ourselves, to try and understand what is making us "crazy".

Recently, I have learned (possibly the hard way...but this is NO pity party!) is that there are people and things in our life that we have to let go of, no matter how much it hurts. To clarify, these are people and things that bring out the absolute worst in you...all those traits and "demons" that we prefer to keep locked up in the safe haven of our heart's chambers. We search ourselves, and plead with ourselves to become a certain way and our soul is in pure conflict...

Here comes the crazy...the unbalance...the tightrope walk that in no way are you going to cross without falling and shattering!

Stop. Wait. Be still and regroup. Understand that you are worthy, amazing, gifted, and extremely special. And that ANY situation or relationship that you're in that does not convey these feelings, leave it. Walk away and never look back.

We cannot fill anyone's cup unless ours is filled.
We cannot fight someone's demons when ours are alive and well, and "running the show".
We cannot change anyone.
We are not powerless; we must empower ourselves, dig deep, and absolutely fall in love with the person that looks back at you in the mirror.

Life is hard enough. Every day is an opportunity for you to do better.

Think of 5 words you use to describe yourself; if ANY of them are negative, put downs, or just not equivalent of "fanfriggintastic" CHANGE IT! Feel free to comment below.

Alpha and Omega

Disclosure: I will let you know that this blog post is a bit different than my past ones. Usually I start with some kind of inspirational "get up and go" kind of deal…
This blog post I am sharing with you is written to help me (and maybe you!) try and understand why things have to come to an end, whether it be a career, friendship, romantic relationship...even life.

Everything has a beginning and everything has an end.

In Biblical terms, Alpha and Omega symbolize Jesus Christ.
Alpha and Omega are also known as the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet.

Waking up the other morning, the first idea that popped into my mind was "Alpha and Omega". It was a profound but very quick momentary thought...one I immediately recorded in a voice text as the morning sun hadn't breached my curtains and I was still in a bit of a dreamy state.

When I gathered myself and brewed some much needed coffee, I revisited my thoughts and the research began. Where did these thoughts come from and what do they represent?

After some mental digging (and another cup of coffee) I began to recall being fascinated with geometric figures in high school; parallel infinite lines that would NEVER intersect or circles, which have no beginning or end.

Here's the thing about endings...they are usually not pleasant but things always happen for a reason. More often than not, an ending may mean a beginning.

With my mind reeling, and reflecting on all of my beginnings and endings in my life, I have some "life lessons" to share...so here goes:

1. Sometimes we will stare at a closed door so long, we won't notice others opening around us.

2. Just because something has to end, doesn't mean it's easy. Endings are hard. Period.

3. Growth is uncomfortable. We often linger in a situation because it's "easy" or "comfortable". When we end something and entertain a new start, it can be downright scary.

4. Follow your gut. Maybe that sounds cliche, but if your spirit within in you is telling you "NO", listen.

5. This is a tough one...but...sometimes...the grass IS greener.

Several weeks ago, my daughter and I rescued this helpless tiny kitten. She was shivering and literally in the middle of the street. We scooped her up, and immediately opened our petless home to her. Our family had lost our golden retrievers 4 short years ago and the sting still stung...our hearts were still bruised. But this was a new beginning for our three person little family. Eleven days later, Lucy, our kitten, passed away due to a disease her fragile body couldn't fight off. Grief shadowed over our house once again, like a dark cloud that no wind would blow away. Another ending but an ending that led to a wonderful beginning...Link. A healthy, fun, playful boy kitten gifted to us from a dear friend in the wake of Lucy's passing.

The takeway...our family was ready for a pet, finally. Maybe fate forced us into it...but love and the awareness that it was time brought us through it and now, I can see how something that ends, even a heartbreaking end, can lead us down to the path of a fresh beginning.

Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and think about all that is good in your life. Do not dwell on the hurts of yesterday...but place hope in the thrill of an exciting new tomorrow. Make each decision with purpose, learn from your past, and know that your greatest brightest days are ahead of you.

Knowing When to Say When....

Who feels me? Have you had enough? Enough of stress, being stretched so thin that your soul actually hurts? Who knows what it's like to have "brain overload" to the point where you walk out of the house without half the things you need?

This is where I am at!

Several weeks ago, I was sitting in traffic...looking side to side at all the drivers. Some having coffee, some talking to another passenger, some frowning, and some were just staring blankly ahead. And for a moment, all I wanted to do was open my door, and walk away...just take a walk...who knows where and honestly, who cares. I had just had enough.

Life is hard. Life is even harder when you have too much on your shoulders. How do we take stuff off of our plate? Work is work...it's necessary and it can bury you. Home responsibilities can bury you too! But wait, but what about taking care of you? Feeding your soul, exercising your body, slowing down your brain...and relaxing? Does that happen anymore?

I had this week off from work. I'm a mom and teacher and I will spare you the details of my day to day obstacles that I face as an elementary school teacher and as a single mother. Instead, I'm going to give you a smidgen of perspective.

I'm completely overwhelmed. If I could clone myself, it would have to be in triplicate in order to cover the obligations and sustain the workload I have. But, cloning is not an option. I have to learn to say no, and I have to truly grasp what my limits are, as a person, as mom, as a friend, as a co-worker, etc.


Balance.

I love this picture. The big stone represents the most important stuff...you decide what that is...
The little ones...well those are the lesser things but still need to be in your life.

Look at your life. Really put those glasses on and look.
Look at your "seesaw"... how out of balance are you? And what can you take off?
What is draining you? And, besides staying up late trolling Pinterest for the latest uplifting quote, what can you change in order to regain balance?

I challenge you by the end of this year (that completely flew by...are ya gettin' me?), take something off your plate that is boggling your mind...that is stretching your soul...that is making you question if you can make it. It's not an easy challenge! But there is something, something on that life-plate of yours that can come off, that can ease the burden. It may be a big "rock" that needs to shift or maybe it's a tiny little "pebble" that is throwing you off balance.

Are you ready for the challenge? I know I am...

Finding YOUR Happy

Right off the bat disclosure: Sorry for the delay in posting but...I'm on summer holiday from teaching, freshly back from a 10 day trip to where I grew up (New England)...and I've been spending some time reflecting.

Happiness. Anyone can try and define what their idea of happiness is. In our heads and hearts, we have all developed an idea of what happiness is and looks like, whether it is from our experiences or from the ideas of others, society, etc. As a recovering people-pleaser, it has been (and continues to be) a very interesting "journey" to find my happy. I have gone down some pretty long roads that end up in an unhappy dead end. Some short roads as well! Some doors I've closed that I wished maybe I had kept open a little longer...and some windows I tend to "look out" wondering if I should crack them open and let some of that air in. Yes, I am speaking a bit metaphorically, but hold on for a moment and hear me out...there is a point.

What is happy? What does it "look" like?

"Your" happy can be many things and it can change, like a kaleidoscope, depending on your perspective or life situation.

To me...

Happy is when you are focused, when you have zero anxiety about where you are or what you are doing.

Happy is when you can lay your head on your pillow and smile as you go to sleep.

Happy is when you wake up and decide to be in a good place, and choose better...no matter what.

Happy is when you know that you are going to have sad moments, ugly moments, confusing moments, and downright crappy moments but you will be ok...and you will regain your happy.

Happy is being grateful for what you have and hopeful for what you want.

My happy is spending time with my loves, cooking a yummy meal for friends and family, folding warm laundry, enjoying a fantastic glass of wine while catching up with a close friend, blogging or writing while looking out at a sunny and bright day, going for long walks and listening to my favorite music, mowing my lawn and "talking" to my plants, watching the "glass-like" water whisk by while boating, making someone laugh with my wittiness, sitting quietly and looking around at the home I purchased for myself and my children, looking into the eyes of students in my classroom as I make a fool out of myself (ha ha), seeing the clouds and sky change into a million colors during a sunset...

There are many things that compose my happy...what are some of yours?
Feel free to comment below.

Recovering drama-holic

Per Webster's online dictionary, drama is a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces. What stuck out to me is "interesting or intense conflict of forces."

Ask yourself, do you invite drama to your life? Do you cultivate it? Do you seek out drama?

Lets dissect this definition, shall we?
The "interesting" part is what brings us in.
The "intense" part is what creates anxiety.
The "conflict" part is actually what feeds our innate need to "help and fix" a situation.

The word conflict spells out one thing...T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

As someone who is an active "mental" attendee of DA (Drama Anonymous) I will tell you that being addicted to drama is an underlying lifestyle addiction that is very hard to quit...and it can be a real struggle to not only walk away from drama, but to stop creating it and allowing it within your own life.

I recall driving in my car and getting mentally overwhelmed with anxiety about work, family, friend and relationship situations and I had to talk myself down from the ledge. Part of my ongoing "recovery" has been utilizing coping strategies to battle the entrance of drama into my life.

I will spare you the dramatic situations that caused the anxiety (part of my recovery!).
I will share with you instead some awesome drama-free living coping strategies. Here goes...

1. Ask yourself "how is this situation making me feel?" Often, the hardest part is tapping into your own feelings and channeling your true emotions about a situation.

2. Is this going to matter in a day? A week? A month from now? I have found that stepping back and viewing the moment outside of the moment can give you clarity and also prevent further thought. Choose what matters.

3. When your mind is waking you up at 3am, it is trying to tell you something. Instead of battling it, face it. Write it down and look at what you are anxious or mentally stressing about in your own handwriting. You would be amazed at how that can help you through a sleepless night.

4. Know your boundaries, limitations and your absolutes. This was (and is) my biggest struggle as a recovering drama-holic. I am a caring, selfless person. I have made the mistake of caring too much, sharing too much, and spreading myself thin to the point I didn't know where Tiffany started and where the drama ended. My boundaries are getting less blurry and my absolutes? Well...let's just say I am at the point where "drama" or "conflict" is giving me a physical reaction.

5. Trust your gut. Yes. I said that. I have ignored, fought, turned away from my gut. And it has gotten me in some hot water. Don't negotiate with your gut. You will lose in the long run, and may lose a lot more than just the battle with your gut instinct.

This post was one of the hardest ones for me to share. (I've been working on it for nearly two months!)
Letting go and turning your back to drama sounds like an easy thing to do. What I have recently learned about me is that for many years I "thrived" in chaos, not knowing how to allow the natural flow of life to occur or for certain life events to play out on their own. Sounds silly I know but I always had this skewed perception that if I tried hard enough, and involved myself enough, the desired outcome would eventually happen, even if it nearly cost me myself. But admitting the problem is the first step to drama-free living.


My daughter coined it perfectly!
"Mom, it's better to walk away from a bad scene then be stuck in a movie."
Ahhhhh....from the mouth of babes, right?

It's ok to love yourself.

Self love.
For many years of my life, I associated self love with being selfish. Loving your self is actually one of the most selfless things you can do, or least selfish depending on how you look at it!

Taking time for you and investing in yourself and your hopes, dreams and goals not only improves and builds upon your self worth that this tired negative world is constantly trying to "steal" from, but it improves your relationships with others around you. Yes...taking care of you can help you be a better parent, friend, partner, sibling, co-worker, etc.

Raise your hand if you like hanging out with a chronic complainer? A miserable stressed out impatient, negative person? I still don't see your hand. Wanna know why? Because it isn't fun filling someone else's cup ALL THE TIME when you have to keep some "life water" in your own cups. The successful give and take in all things in life requires balance.

My biggest hurdle was (and is) guilt. Feeling guilty about taking alone time to catch up on a favorite show, letting the laundry build up and the dishes go undone, leaving the phone behind, sometimes just doing nothing, and the biggest "guilt strike" is me saying no.

"No, I can't" is hard for an overachiever like myself to say (aren't we all trying to over achieve on something?). I have this fear of missing out on things, fear of not belonging and the ultimate fear of letting people down.

"Get over it, Tiffany" I finally said to myself in the mirror. "Stop trying to save the world, and attempting to be the saver to others and start saving yourself."

These are some steps that I am taking (and continually taking) as I am a beautiful work in progress:
1. Make a list of what you want your life to look like. If that is too overwhelming, then ask yourself what you want your year, month, week or even day, to look like.

2. Look around - what can you purge? How can you simplify? Having too much stuff can actually contribute to our anxieties and distract us from what is truly important.

3. Go off the grid once in a while. Sure, it can be fun to post about where you are, what you're eating, who you are with but sometimes it's pretty cool just to chill with yourself or friends/family without going all social media crazy.

4. We all got crap. All of us. Don't judge other people's crap and don't allow someone else's judgement of your crap get to you. Love you and all your flaws.

5. Create a playlist of songs that lift you up, that get you in a successful growth mindset. Play it when things are quiet and your mind tends to travel to places it shouldn't go. (I call those places doubtville, self-sabotageville, regretville or one of my personal favorites, toomuchdramaville.)

6. Don't wrestle with your past. One can compare it to wrestling with a ghost...you can swipe at it but it isn't going to make one bit of difference. Learn from mistakes, take the good and move forward. Sounds super cliche but it's not an easy task.

7. And lastly, retrain your brain. Look at yourself in the mirror and pick out 5, 10, 15 things you love about you, your mind and your body. Build on that list often and take note. Create a self-love gratitude journal, maybe?

That's all for now.

As I write while looking out the passenger window at the cars going by, traveling from one place to another, I am pensive...thinking about what lies ahead, trying my best to enjoy the ride and admire the reflection staring back at me in the side view mirror.